Coaching Episode: How to Let Go of the Status Quo to Live the Life You Were Meant For (Episode 58)

Melyssa Griffin

27 min

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If you’re listening to this podcast, chances are, you have a feeling that you’re meant for MORE in your life. 

We all have potential we have yet to tap into, but so many of us get stuck trying to stick with the status quo because that is where we’re told we belong. 

But there’s a disconnect between the status quo and who we’d be if we stopped holding ourselves back; the status quo is designed to keep us in a box, while our possibilities are begging us to break the mold. 

In this week’s episode, you get to sit in on my LimitlessCoaching call with Chelsi, a student in some of my online business courses, and through her coaching, podcast, and blog posts, she helps work-from-home moms to simplify their busy lives and let go of the things they “should” do so that they can live life on their own terms. 

Coincidentally, this is the main topic of our coaching call today. As we explore what Chelsi’s beliefs about what she “should” be doing are vs. what she feels called to do, we find out what’s causing her to stall and hold herself back from putting her work out there. 

If you’ve ever felt like you were holding parts of yourself back because you were trying to keep up with the status quo, or if you haven’t tapped into your full potential for fear of what everyone else would think, this episode is for you. 

Let’s dive in!

Listen to the episode below:

This episode discusses topics like…

  • The roadblocks that hold Chelsi back from putting herself out there
  • How Chelsi helps moms who are working from home by using her own experiences
  • What to do with the fear that her business will not work out
  • Quieting the fear-based voice inside that says you aren’t going to get the abundance you desire
  • The correlation between your worth and your success
  • Steps to transitioning out of the patterns or beliefs that are holding you back 

By the way, I created an entirely free, 5-day at-home digital retreat called Limitless Entrepreneur. It’s all about creating a new income stream in less than a week, as well as reprogramming the beliefs that are keeping you from a no-limits business and life. Click the image below to sign up, it’s free!
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Did this episode help you expand what’s possible for your life or business? Do you think your social media followers may learn something, too? I’d be forever grateful if you shared it on social media. 🙂 If you do, tag @melyssa_griffin and @limitlesslifepodcast so I can repost you! Woohoo!

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Where do you feel the status quo is allowing you to limit yourself?

Thank you SO much for being here, sweet friend. I’m honored to walk this journey with you. See you in the next episode!

xoxo
Melyssa

Read the Episode Transcript Here

Melyssa
So what would you like to talk about today, Chelsea, that would help you with some sort of resistance or fear that you’re experiencing in your business.

Chelsi
I think the most important thing that I’d like to focus on is just being able to get through the roadblocks that keep me from putting myself out there in ways that could end up in failure and could end up in abundance, but I don’t because it seems like I mean, it’s scary, you know. So I think everything kind of pivots around that. So it might be a good place to start and see what unfolds from that conversation.

Melyssa
And what is you said, putting myself out there? What does that look like to you? If you’re really putting yourself out there,

Chelsi
creating things that other people have not created and doing things that don’t look like everyone else or offering things that I I can see that people But they might not know that they need and really just tackling how to tackle that. give people what they want, and then give them what they need after that kind of concept, you know, like how to get through putting yourself out there with, like your creativity and things that you don’t know if people are going to want to buy them or not like you have no idea.

Melyssa
Yeah, almost like taking a risk on what you care about that you’re not sure if other people will resonate with it.

Chelsi
Yeah, but I can totally see that they need it, and they know that it would help them. Mm hmm.

Melyssa
That’s interesting. So what if you know they need it, it would help them they probably would enjoy it. What then is the disconnect for you that’s causing you to stall on putting it out there?

Chelsi
I think the biggest thing for me is that specifically with what I offer is that the culture goes against what I am trying to get mothers specifically to do to be able to help them with the problems that they have. But it’s so counterintuitive for them at this point. And what we’re experiencing right now with this whole, like slowing down thing, I’m like in my element, this is what I want people to do all the time. But it had to be forced upon them to get them to do it. And so I can create a product that teaches them how to really focus on those fundamental things and those fundamental needs, but it’s very hard for them. I guess my biggest concern is that they’re not going to take the time to do it, or that there’s going to be so much work to convince them that they need it when I can just see like, I’ve been there, I’ve done that, and this is gonna help you. I think my fear is that maybe they won’t listen. Maybe that’s what it is saying.

Melyssa
They won’t listen. That’s interesting.

And for anyone who’s listening to get clarity on what it is so you coach moms, and do you coach them to simplify to

basically slow down?

Chelsi
Yeah, I give them systems in there. Life so that they can have more time in their day is when you put the complexity in between running a business working from home, I specifically work with moms that work from home. So they have children that they have to manage all day long. And then they have this business that they’re trying to manage. And most of the time, they throw themselves into these businesses, and they don’t have any systems in place for their home. And it’s hard. It’s hard to keep the kids clean and fed and the house clean, and it’s hard to do all that and have time for your business. And once your business really explodes. That’s very demanding too. And you want to show up for those people. And then you feel guilt because you’re not showing up for your family. And so I really teach them to focus on what I believe is the fundamental call as a mother is to be a mother but that doesn’t mean that that’s the only thing that you do. So I try and get them to slow down for a moment in time to be able to get them to put the systems in place that they need so that motherhood isn’t making them crazy. It’s not so complicated and complex and stressful.

Melyssa
Right? And so when you said that I’m afraid that they won’t listen to me is that because you haven’t been listened to before when you’ve coached moms on this?

Chelsi
I think they see it and they see the life that I live and see what I’m putting out there and they see what the offer is. But it would require them to be very different from their other mom, friends, it would require them to be extremely against the grain of culture, they would have to stop doing so many playdates they would have to stop taking their kids to every after school curricular activity, they would have to stop keeping up with the Joneses. And I don’t know, until they’re in a place where they’re ready to commit to that it doesn’t matter who would tell them right. It would take an experience like we’re experiencing right now for them to slow down for some of them. So I think that people do come to me and they want to know what it’s about. But once I tell them that it requires a lot of hard work And a lot of discipline and a lot of commitment. I am afraid that there are not enough. There’s not enough persuasion or buy in from people to want that to make the purchase, if that makes sense. Mm hmm.

Melyssa
Can I share an observation? That’s interesting to me? Sure. So when I looked at your questionnaire before the call, you were talking about how you want to step out of the status quo of what’s safe and comfortable and step into this bigger version of yourself that you know, is here to create a bigger impact. And what you’re describing to me of the experience that a lot of the moms would be having, if you coach them is that they also would be having to step out of the status quo of what motherhood looks like and step into this bigger and more rejuvenated version of themselves. So it’s almost like this very parallel journey that you both are on of how can I let go of what the status quo is telling me I need to be in order to To truly be fulfilled in the work that I’m doing. Mm hmm. How does that end for you? I mean, I think that I have convinced myself that I’m just gonna do it. Because if I don’t try,

Chelsi
there is a 100% chance that it’s not going to work out. It’s just every day, I have to get up and convince myself like this is gonna work out, you know, and it hasn’t really fallen into the place yet where, I mean, I guess that that’s just what a leap and a risk is right? You just jump in and see how it’s going to go. So I think that by me showing that through what I’m doing, it’s definitely going to give all of these moms the opportunity to learn from that. Yeah, I mean, I definitely hadn’t looked at it like that, for sure.

You know, yeah. In parallel,

Melyssa
right. Right. I think that’s so often what ends up happening in our relationships or our business is our internal world. world actually reflects what’s going on outside. And so if we change our internal world, and we show up differently than our external world starts to shift to what was interesting is you said, How would I know that it’s going to work out? How would I know that it’s going to work out? If I put it out there? I want to ask you, how would you know that it’s going to work out? What would it look like if it was working?

Chelsi
I mean, I don’t think I’ll know until I do it, right. I think maybe in three years from now, I can look back and be like, wow, that really worked or no, that didn’t work at all. I think I’m just afraid to be in a spot and three years from now, where I’m looking back and say, that didn’t work. And I worked this hard for so long. And it just not financially come to fruition. I think that I’m already making an impact. But the financial aspect is, I’m not doing this as a hobby. I’m doing this as a business. And I think that that’s a huge part of people that take courses like blog tube is hive and We really want to invest in we want to learn, and I’m so there and committed to be there for years and years and years. I think you’re just you know, it’s just this fear that I know what I need to do because of being educated from people like you that have been around for a long time. And you’ve gone through the ups and downs. So I know what I needs to do. It’s just, you know, I mean, I wonder from you, like, How long were you into the process before you started believing that? Okay, this is working. Like, this is working? You know,

Melyssa
that’s an interesting question, because I, I don’t think that was really a question for me for a long time. It was more of just like, this feels fun and fulfilling. And I always had this mantra of I’m just going to move in the direction of what feels good. If it’s feeling good, I’ll keep doing it. And if it’s not, I’m going to shift into whatever else is feeling good and didn’t really have an expectation of it needing to work out or look a certain way. I can see how having that expectation, or that desire, actually can feel stifling. Because, yeah, like, it’s got to live up to what this looks like in my head. And if it’s not, or I’m afraid I’m not able to create it, then they really can throw us out of sorts. Right? Yeah. Yeah. That’s an interesting question.

Unknown Speaker
Just thinking about that experience for you. Because I really love that we started with talking about you wanting to step out of the status quo while simultaneously and inviting your people to do the same thing.

Chelsi
Well, I can see how that will totally, You know, I think that everything that we do mirrors what is around us, and so I can see how the shift and abundance would come if I changed that internally.

Melyssa
Yeah. And do you have a vision in your head of like, this is how I’ll know it’s successful. I’ll reach this income level or this email list size.

Chelsi
I haven’t put a number to it, because I think that that makes me very anxious. I just want to see the process working, I want to see the fruits of my labor. You know, I think we all do when you’re first starting,

Unknown Speaker
and, you know, I’m, I guess I have to really sit back and look at it a bit differently because I do see people taking risks and trying things and coming to me for coaching and, and I do see them trying new things. So I guess that that is, it’s just not as many people as I would like for it to be, but it’s a small ripple that eventually turns into a larger one. And so that’s just where I’m at, you know, and I think there are some days where, in the beginning, that’s hard. That’s, you know, realizing that my pond is small and my ripples are small, but it’s gonna get

Melyssa
bigger and you feel like you’re putting in so much work and still see That small ripple when you feel like you’re putting in a big ripple of work.

Chelsi
Yeah, and when I you know, I had said earlier, this whole notion of like the abundance and especially now people are gonna want to hold on to things much more and sometimes I feel like I need to be making ripples in a bigger pool so that my ripples can reach further. And that’s just kind of an interesting like realization that I’m having just talking to you thinking about how I don’t feel competitive with other people that have been doing it for a long time because I’m so new and so I don’t feel like I have the potential to reach their abundance because of their, their history and their experience and their resume. And you know, I just, I want that abundance for me and I do believe it’s there for some people but that’s been my block is that I don’t think that abundance is there for me yet.

Melyssa
Hmm. What do you think you have to do or be in order for the abundance to be there for you?

Chelsi
I mean, the first word that came into my head was credible.

Hmm. Like, I believe that I have

all of the abilities to help these moms that are trying to do this. You know, I don’t ever doubt myself, I’m never not excited. I’m stinking so enthusiastic about what I’m doing. So I don’t know why. But that word just it was like credible.

So interesting. We have any I don’t think we even said that word in this whole conversation. Yeah, that’s interesting. And it’s common to have like, even though you have all the knowledge and all the experience that you need in order to make a difference, like if you went on a coaching call with somebody who is that ideal person for you? I trust that you could change their life with what you know right now. But still, there’s that thought in the back of your mind and a lot of people who are probably listening or thinking, Well, I’m not credible because I’m not seen enough as a big enough authority or I’m not enough people know me or whatever credible might mean to you. And then that can make all of the knowledge and experience you have feel worthless.

And I think if I could just know that. I mean, there are thousands of working moms out there work from home moms

are everywhere. I mean, they’re all

Melyssa
right. Like, I

Chelsi
think every mom is working from home right now. So it’s like, you know, I know, I know that they’re out there. And it’s just, I think really not second guessing myself whenever I show up, and I don’t second guess myself in written form. I really like the way that I produce there. And even in my podcasts, but I think it’s just those beginning stages of you know, whenever I go to somebody and I trust and I pay them, I look at the systems that they have and I look at the funnels and I, I look at how it feels and how professional it is. And so maybe it has something to do with that. You know who I’m willing to give my money to get He would have to bat an eye whenever I purchase blog the bid side I was like, yep, yep. And yeah, you know, and so be coming that for my person. I guess I just don’t think I’m there yet and there’s only so many bricks that you can layer at a time before you get tired and you know, you just have to take your time I think.

Melyssa
Yeah, like the laying bricks example because it almost feels like you’re building a house by yourself. You’re like laying each brick one after another by yourself and it can be tiring to feel really heavy. Something that came up from you when you were talking about that is looking to other people who feel credible to you where you feel like an easy yes to buy their product. It almost feels like this sort of perfectionism of like they’ve got it perfect. I don’t have it perfect yet and so people wouldn’t be so quick to purchase my things because doesn’t look as polished and perfect.

Chelsi
Yeah, that’s a total part of my personality, like, for sure. I don’t know if you do anything with the enneagram. But that’s like my number. I’m wondering, oh, you’re a one which is like the perfectionist. So, and I am learning that that will completely hold me back. So I’m putting myself out there everyday regardless, but there’s a strong voice in the back of my mind that is just there that says, This is really scary. And I just, I don’t want to be afraid of it. I’m open. But you know, in the beginning, I don’t know if you went through this or not, but you put things out there and you just don’t get a lot of hits with it at first and

Melyssa
I still have that experience sometimes put something out there and doesn’t get that much feedback

or that many sales. I don’t think you to a point where it stops. And that’s good to know.

You know, just

Chelsi
just knowing that it’s not abundance all the time for somebody that’s established i think is nice to know. Just knowing that that is just part of what we do, you know?

Melyssa
Yeah. But without taking the risk, you’d never be able to tap into that abundance anyways. Yeah. So it’s like the, maybe we look to people who are more established or have been doing it for longer and thinking that they’ve got it all figured out because they’ve been able to create abundance, but we’re not seeing all the things that they have tried even in the past week that haven’t worked. And we’re just seeing the aftermath of a lot of the successful quote, successful ideas, but not the ones that didn’t work out just such an interesting part about just humanity. In general, we’re always seeing like, you’ve probably heard the highlight reel of other people’s lives, and then we’re just seeing, like, behind the scenes mess in our own lives and not giving ourselves the same grace or understanding.

Chelsi
I think that even though I know that it still leads to me believing that I needs to be like them to have the abundance that they have and you know, just Having this opportunity, which I’m so grateful for, to just hear from somebody that says, you know, it’s not abundance all the time. You know, it ebbs and flows. Because even when thinking about the fact that I’m about to put a course out, like, I have to constantly calm the voice that says, no one’s gonna buy it. Like, it’s just constant, you know, and I have to just say, well, no one’s gonna buy it if you don’t make it. So you’re gonna make it and you’re gonna put it out there, and you’re gonna do all the things, but I just, you know, I wish that that voice would be quiet. Like, I wish the voice would stop or be less frequent, and it’s just a fear, you know,

Melyssa
what is the fear say that no one’s going to buy it. And if you go like you dig deep into the fear beyond like, I won’t make money like what is it saying to you?

Chelsi
Well, the next layer underneath that is I want to be successful. And for me to be successful in this business to be successful. A huge portion of that is income. I want this to provide income for my family, I want it to be sustainable. I want it to be dependable. And, you know, that is the fear

that I could

Unknown Speaker
have this idea and have this dream put on my heart, but it just be something that never really produces that it’s just something that I do for fun. And I don’t want it to be that,

Chelsi
you know,

Melyssa
it’s almost like this fear that I’m not worthy enough to be successful, or I don’t have what it takes to be successful. And if I put it out there and it’s not successful, then I’ve just affirmed my biggest Yeah,

Chelsi
so I might as well just not try. Because that’s easier to hear, which I’m not doing because, you know, this totally comes from generations of family members that have just done what they thought they were supposed to do. And like I’m the oddball in the family that does wild and crazy things that tries out for things that takes risks and I’m scared the whole time. But I’ve seen what the alternative looks like. And I don’t like that. And so I’m not doing that. And I just wish that there was some way, you know, I’m definitely blazing a trail for my daughters to see a different life. I don’t know what it would take to be able to not have that fear of the entire time I was doing it. You know, like, you were like, I don’t think I ever thought of that. I’m like, wow,

definitely think about that.

Melyssa
Well, I guess when I didn’t have was the I wasn’t looking too far into the future of what it needed to be. But I did have fear, for sure. I remember, in the beginning, when I just had a blog, I never put a photo of my self on it because I was terrified that people would actually see me and I’d be responsible for everything I had to say on the blog. And then it would be like, actually coming from me versus from this sort of mythical creature on the internet. You know what I mean? And so I was terrified of ever putting a photo of myself on my blog? I definitely had fears in the beginning, but I think it was, there was less pressure of it needing to be something. And so that made it a little bit easier. But it had to be fun and creative.

Chelsi
And that would be enough for a little while.

Yeah, Nobody puts these pressures on me but myself, you know, I’m not dependent upon the income right now. My husband’s so supportive, it’s crazy, you know, so, and I have a pretty decent amount of time, freedom in my life to be able to work on it. It’s not as much as I want, because I have children. But, you know, it’s great to have this conversation to be able to think about, you know, where those limiting thoughts come from and how I can work through that. And I think just getting up and doing it, just do the dang thing, you know, is a place to start

right? What you said a minute ago struck me too of like, I don’t know

Melyssa
how to do it without feeling afraid the whole time. And I think actually feeling afraid the whole time is how you do it. And you’re not doing it the wrong way, just because you feel the fear. I think most people feel the fear when they do big things myself included. And when you’re putting a piece of yourself out there in the world, especially in a bigger way, like an online course, or blog, or you’re putting out coaching packages, is scary, but you’re not doing it wrong, because you feel scared. There really is no right or wrong either way, but it’s like, the only way that would be quote wrong, is the way that’s not in alignment with what you really want, what you really want to be creating in the world.

Chelsi
And so I think being scared and putting it out there is exactly the way that you get to do it.

So what happens when we explore the idea that if we explore the fears that I have for just a hot second and it actually happens, like can we just talk about like, what is The worst thing that could happen, like, ah, if I started course, and I put it together, and I really believe in it, and I put it out there. I’ve already told myself like, this is not going to be like the end all be all course there are going to be more courses like, I need some like self talk and a plan because I’m a one and I’m a planner, I need a plan for or just a conversation about, you know, what happens if the course does have crickets? Or if I only get two people that sign up or whatever, you know, like, what are your experiences with that? or?

Melyssa
Yeah, I do suggest? Well, I would love to hear your answer to that exact question. What would happen if you put it out there and nobody buys it?

Chelsi
I am mentally preparing myself every day. And here’s the funny thing. So you just tell me what I in order to get through that fear. I’m coaching myself to believe that you know what that might happen and it’s going to be okay. I have to just say It now so that I don’t run from it, you know?

Melyssa
And are you approaching it from a place of it probably will happen. So just brace yourself and it’s okay if it does or is it from a place of, I’m expecting success in whatever way that looks like for me, but

it might also not get any buyers and that’s cool too. It’s a little bit of both, when we prepared too much for it to go wrong,

then we can actually end up creating that

Chelsi
I have really good energy behind what I want to put into the world. I just have not put any energy into the outcome because it would devastate me and so that’s what I’m holding back from doing. I’m afraid to just believe that all the people are going to buy it because I don’t believe anybody’s going to buy it type thing, you know.

Melyssa
Yeah. And the word that you use devastate me, that’s such a profound word because it’s such a strong feeling devastate me if nobody buys it. Why would it devastate you? If no one bought it?

Chelsi
What would you make it mean about yourself worth? You know, it would be definitely from that perspective from a person that I literally put 100% of myself and everything I do, I don’t cut corners. It is like maximum intensity capacity. And I love that, like, I’ve got energy for that. I wake up every day ready to do the world that way. Like, I’m great with that, you know, it doesn’t exhausting. It’s just the way I made. But then whenever I do that, and it doesn’t go well. It just cuts me and it’s hard.

Melyssa
If one of your working moms came to you, and they were in a coaching session with you, and they said, well, Chelsea, I put 100% of myself and everything I do, and that’s why I need to go to all the playdates and I need to do all the things as a mom, I need to be there for my kids and I need to work until 10pm my business I need to Put 100% of myself into everything, what would you tell them,

I would

Chelsi
make sure that they, I would definitely start with making sure that they knew that they were getting in all of I call them their fundamental needs, I would make sure that they’re grounded in what they’re doing before they were putting their time and energy into anything else. And as long as they were putting all their energy into things that didn’t deplete them, but rather things that filled them up, then I would be okay and supporting them. But if they came to me exhausted because of that, then obviously something’s not right. Like you said, if it’s not in alignment, then that’s where the problem is. I think I feel, you know, without analogy that I am in alignment, but I’m definitely holding back from putting my heart into the outcome and I don’t I don’t know where that leads, because I’ve never done it before.

Melyssa
And I think you’re really onto something earlier when you said if I didn’t get any buyers of my course I feel devastated because it would means something about how much I’m worth.

Chelsi
Yeah.

I mean, clearly that’s an accurate. You know, logically it

Melyssa
is. Right, of course, but what your experience of it is, is equally accurate. Yeah. And so do you have in your mind and I find this actually with a lot of a lot of people who care about something, but also a lot of online business owners is that we don’t see a difference between our business and ourselves. It’s like we are one, your business and you are one. And then that’s where a lot of the worst stuff can come from in business, because if the launch flops, then it feels like we have flopped and we are not worthy as human beings, when really it’s like maybe that topic just didn’t resonate with people. Maybe the marketing could use a little work. And so when we start to see our business and the things we create for our business as totally separate entities from ourselves and who we are as human beings, that takes a lot of pressure pressure and the spin off. If something doesn’t go well and simultaneously for if something does go really well, it’s like great, the business succeeded business went really well. You are still the same whole human that you were before the success or the failure. Does that make sense? No. Yeah. Yeah, I

Chelsi
think we’re, it’s just a very creative space and you put so much of, you know, it’s, it’s your own personal experience. That’s what coaching is, you’re helping people with something that you’ve been through, and that you know, and you want it to help other people and, but it’s completely fair to say that I have a lot to learn when it comes to business. And that those little links are the things that I’m going to have to strengthen over time that could potentially cause a breakdown somewhere. That could be my weak points, and it doesn’t have to be about me. I just need to know that it’s going to take me some practice and some time to strengthen all of those links between you know, Having a successful business and running a business online, it’s a good thing when something fails so that I know where to pinpoint the problem, and then I can fix it. This is just an obstacle of my personality and always has been. And it’s something that I just so grateful that other people are talking about it. Because historically, we just become what our families have been. And coming out of that is challenging sometimes.

Melyssa
Korea. Yeah. Can I share a thought with you? Sure. You said that this is just an obstacle of my personality and your personality, like you were just saying is something that has been sort of passed down to you as like a family heirloom, something that you’ve created out of all these thoughts and beliefs that you’ve adopted from family and have turned into the actions that you’ve taken which has turned into your personality? But your personality can be shifted, if there are parts of it that aren’t serving you like the part that might think I need to be perfect in order to be successful. And that’s why I put 100% of myself into everything that I do. And if you’re noticing parts of your personality or your patterns that aren’t serving you or aren’t serving your higher mission that you’re you’ve been put here to do, then you can change those. They don’t have to be ingrained in you forevermore, just because they’ve been there for a long time.

Chelsi
Yeah, I

am in that space right now as we speak. And I think just changing it is very challenging, especially when you’re the first person of all generations like I’m the first person in multiple generations of women that is just different. Like I’m just different. And that different does not come easy. It’s it’s a lot of intentional work. And I needs to hear from other people. I have done that and that believe in it. And that say it’s okay. And, you know, have language cues and have meditation cues that they do that help them work through those things because they are ingrained so deeply that we have to be very slow and intentional to work through them. And I’m noticing so much of it coming up as I’m creating, and as I’m, you know, doing this new work, you know, I’ve just created this business. It’s been about a year and it’s been a lot of work. Just the internal work, you know, yeah. brings up a lot. But I’m, I’m grateful. I know I keep saying that. But I really am. I’m so happy for the opportunity to be able to work on those parts and personality and not just continue to be that way just because that’s the way that I am.

Melyssa
Right. Yeah,

yeah. And I love that you brought that up because I feel like running a business is randomly one of the biggest opportunities for our personal growth. Like you wouldn’t think it really going into starting a business. But it ends up being this masterclass in how to grow and shed patterns and become more of who we are if we allow it to be and also be a masterclass and like staying stuck in all the patterns, but sounds like you, and I’m sure a lot of people who are listening are feeling that same mentality of like, being one of the first people in your families or your cultures to be like, maybe this isn’t working for me. Or maybe these patterns aren’t things that are consciously my own. They’re things I adopted, and now I’m ready to release them.

Chelsi
Yeah, and the abundance is definitely one of them.

Yeah. I mean, it’s not about you. Yeah. Because I know that

Melyssa
I think before the call, we were talking about how there’s almost this feeling within you that there’s a limited, limited amount of abundance in the world, especially at a time like this when we’re dealing with the Coronavirus pandemic, and we’re seeing people losing their jobs and all the things and it feels like the abundances diminishing? And like, will there be enough for you to get your piece? Tell me more about your experiences, beliefs around that.

Chelsi
I have never seen in my own personal life anything other than financial limited abundance, I’ve had so much abundance when it comes to just like emotional, emotional growth. And so I understand that that abundance is available because I’ve experienced it in other ways. But when it comes to finances and growing up, we just didn’t have money. And there were those people and then there whereas us, you know, those were the people that had the jobs that had the life that had the things and it just wasn’t us.

Melyssa
And when you were younger at that time, what were some of the conversations or beliefs or things that people in your family would say about the people who did have money

Chelsi
that they had no idea what they did to be able to have an That amount of money

that

that you had no idea or they had no idea. My parents had no idea what those people did to make those like disbelief like, how is that even possible? Like what is that that’s not something that we would ever be able to accomplish, either because we’re not smart enough or because we don’t have enough money to be able to make that kind of money. I definitely heard my dad say all the time, you have to have money to make money. You have to have money to make money, like, all the time. I have thought about that in years. But absolutely. He said that all the time growing up. Yeah, I mean, I definitely heard a lot of that. And I just saw a lot of the same people. I wasn’t exposed to people that had money, you know, or that other group. Yeah. Yeah. And there was, oddly enough, the one experience in my life when I ever connected with that group of people was through dating a boy who lived in the neighborhood that only the rich people lived in and it was like this. I can’t believe This is happening to me, you would never like any kind of experience. And it very much is funny. I ended up marrying him 17 years later, he’s now my husband. And it is profound to me sometimes I still think back and think, How in the world did I end up with this person? Well, I know why I did when I really stop and think about it. But there’s that block there for me, that says, You’re not one of those people. And it’s the same thing in business. Like, I’m not one of those people that has abundance that I’m going to just read from my online business. But why couldn’t I be, you know, I’m like, Why couldn’t I be?

Melyssa
Yeah, I couldn’t you.

Chelsi
I mean, I definitely have the hard work and the tenacity and the commitment and the discipline, like I’ve got all the things and I definitely have the knowledge like I have the experience. I have the knowledge I have all those things. I guess maybe it’s just like, getting over this idea that I needs to be special. Selected or chosen, or have that unique? Cut, you know, like, what makes you know Melissa Griffin and Jenna Kutcher and what makes all of them cut from this cloth that I’m not, you know, I’m not coaching a business, obviously. But you know, these people that really become super successful in online business, and it’s like, when they started, what made them different from

where I started?

Unknown Speaker
Why wouldn’t I transform into some version of that in my own way? I don’t really have answers for that. I don’t know.

Melyssa
It’s a really interesting questions that you’re asking.

And the words that you use a second ago really struck me of feeling like you need to be selected or chosen in order for you to be successful. And it’s interesting because it’s almost like going back to when you dated that boy who chose you, pluck you out of the neighborhood that wasn’t the rich families and gave you this life and introduce you to To this new realm that was almost like Cinderella story, you’re like, do I even belong here? Like, they’re gonna find me out, and they’re going to figure out that I don’t belong here. And that’s Yeah, and thinking about how that, that dynamic and that feeling might still be showing up in how you’re showing up in your business waiting for somebody to pluck you out and show you that you’re worthy. Even though you’re doing all the things you’re doing a lot of the the things that are required I we were just talking about before the call about how you’ve got a podcast and you blog regularly and you’re doing these coaching calls and working on an online course and you’re doing the thing is, is there some element where you’re holding back because you’re waiting for somebody to choose you? What piece of validation am I waiting for? Exactly.

Chelsi
If I could envision the business owner and the woman that I am after this made up validation happens, you know, like, what does she look like and why couldn’t I be here now? I couldn’t be here now, you know? I don’t know. I know what that looks like,

Melyssa
Can I shift that slightly for you? Yeah. Instead of why couldn’t I be her now? What if it was? I already am her and it’s really just up to me to believe that. Yeah,

Chelsi
I believe that like 100%. And I think maybe it’s, I mean, how do you get there other than literally writing down every day, everything that tells me that I am her, you know, because I truly am gonna have to retrain my brain. My brain thinks this way every single day. And I don’t think that there is a magic pill or a magic ticket, or anything that I could do to just make it go away.

I agree.

Melyssa
I agree.

Chelsi
So what would you say are the steps to transitioning out of it?

Melyssa
Yeah, I think I talk sometimes about a small aligned action, small light action because I think you’re aware of a lot of these patterns. And thoughts and beliefs that have been in you for a long time that haven’t been serving you that maybe were passed down from your dad or somebody else in your family or society. And you’re aware of those things. But now it’s like, what do I do with all this, I still feel that way. I just know, I know that they exist. But I want to do things differently. And I think it really comes down to you’ve got the thoughts that aren’t working for you, you can reframe them to thoughts that are working for you. But then you have to take a small aligned action in the direction of those new thoughts and beliefs that are serving you. So maybe the old thought was that you have to be perfect in order for people to appreciate what you put out there. And that creates the belief that you’re imperfect and so you have to be perfect and then create the action of waiting a long time to put something out there or like really trying to make it look super professional and just not allowing it to get out there and unless it’s perfect, so maybe the reframed thought would be imperfect as I am. And what I’m putting out there is impacting people. And I’m here to serve. And then that starts to change your actions. And so maybe an action that’s aligned with that new way of thinking about it would be, I’m here to serve and not to just be a perfect robot, then I’m going to create an outline for my course. And I’m just going to do and set a timer for an hour and I’m going to create the outline, it’s going to be done. I’m not going to go back and edit it 600 times. I would like the outline, and I’m just going to do it. And then you take small little actions repeatedly, that are in alignment with who you want to be. And I think that that, for me is the path to becoming that person. And having it become a habit of it stops being a question of do I have what it takes? Am I good enough and more of just, of course I am. Because I know that I can do that thing. I know I can create an outline in an hour, or I can create a title for this vulnerable blog posts. You have to write the whole thing that would be a big action. But small action is something you can do in like an hour or less, maybe a lot less actually. This feels a little easier. It’s really just building that trust with yourself that you can trust yourself to do the scary, risky things, quote, risky, they feel risky, the things that you want to do, but you’re a little afraid to do building that trust with you.

Chelsi
Yeah, I think one of the biggest things is going to be just doing this course and being like, there’s not an option to not to do it if I want to become the person that I want to become. So I’m just gonna do it. And I think even just writing down like now that I’m realizing it, I not even one time Have I ever wrote down the affirmation of what it is going to become. I’m just constantly on the defense trying to put at bay when it’s not going to progress. You know, these things that I don’t want it to be, instead of focusing all my energy on what I do want it to be. And I think one of my coping mechanisms is to get into those details to try and compensate for that voice that I’m hearing that says, it’s not going to work well, it is going to work because I’m gonna make a perfect, you know, it’s totally gonna work. And so if I could take that energy and shift it into focusing on what I do want it to be,

it’s probably a good place to start.

Melyssa
That was brilliant.

Yes, absolutely. Yeah. I love that shift. Because you’re really talking now about shifting your your thoughts and your mentality from scarcity, how it’s not going to work out how it needs to be in order for it to work, to abundance of how I get to show up and what it gets to look like and, and just looking at it from a more abundant perspective and how your results will probably We changed by looking at it from that perspective to.

Chelsi
I mean, yeah, I truly believe that they will be better by looking at it from that perspective. You know, and, you know, then we go into this place where I cycle back to Okay, well, we’re gonna go there. But then what happens if I write all these affirmations about abundance and positivity? And then it doesn’t go that way. But I don’t think that

it works like that. I think when you really, I’m choosing to believe that if I just relent to the process of abundance, that in whatever form that looks like, I’m gonna receive it, if it’s financial or not, that there’s going to be abundance in something. And that’s really all that I could ask for. So I’m just gonna focus on that.

And,

Melyssa
and it’s like, you could have it be a quote, great success where you launch totally exceeds your expectations. And that goes well, people love it. That’s a version of success, or maybe put it out there. And it’s crickets and no one buys it. And in a way, that’s also a version of success. One of my coaches says there’s no failure, only feedback. And so even if you put it out there, and it’s crickets, at least you’re getting feedback on what’s not working. And you can go back to your little thing, even elf, like going back to your workshop and working on it. And then you can work it up and put it back out there and a new form or shift the topic or the messaging or whatever. And it’s really just feedback. It doesn’t mean something about you as a person just means something about that program or the launch. And I get what you’re saying you talked about earlier, how that can be hard to separate when you are coaching people and you’re using your life experience. But even then, I think it’s important to separate the methodology of how you help people and the stories that you communicate as they are you, but not in this format. In this format. They’re teaching tools versus you as a human

Because you as a human being are innately worthy. Yeah.

innately perfect. Yeah.

So what’s your small land action going to be?

Chelsi
I am definitely going to start writing every day. As if it’s already happened. I’m just gonna write down the things that I want to see happen. This vision that I have, I’m going to just start affirming it. I need to be quicker to think that way than the other way. Because I’m already doing the thing. Like I get up and I do it because you have to in order to get somewhere so I’m already doing that, but I need to really call that voice. I need to have a different voice, a voice that’s louder and eventually I think it will just be so loud that I won’t even hear the other voice. Or at least for the most part.

Melyssa
Yeah, yeah.

Chelsi
Believing in that woman that I’m going to become just going to be my small action, just the belief. And if it starts with just mantras every day, and like journaling and sticky notes around my house, whatever I have to do,

Melyssa
that’s gonna be it. I love that. And then thinking about from that place of these new beliefs, what would I do differently? How would I show up differently? How would I create differently,

Chelsi
I will have confidence in my content. I think it seems a bit haphazard at times. But I believe that inside myself, I do know what people need and, and I just need to be confident with it. You know, if I know that I’m going to end up this woman, then I have the tools to give them to be successful. So I need to package up my tools, I just need to give them to them. And if that’s not the tool that fits, then I’m going to find some other tools and package those up. Give them those tools, you know, it’s just going to be a process of taking all the tools that I have and giving them instead of wondering are these tools really going to work for them when I know that they will

Melyssa
brilliant

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