Coaching Episode: How to Show Up Boldly in Your Business (Episode 88)

Melyssa Griffin

26 min

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In this Limitless Coaching episode, I sit down with one of my powerful Mastermind members, Karolina: an Alcohol-Free Life Coach who helps dreamers and doers drop alcohol to level up their lives.

In our conversation, she opens up about a fear of criticism that’s holding her back from boldly sharing with her audience. Karolina has extreme confidence in her coaching business, and yet she doesn’t feel the same when thinking of launching her new course.

Sound familiar?

As we dive deeper into the conversation, Karolina discovers that clarity in her messaging is essential to attracting her ideal client (who is ready and open to her unique method of transformation) and that working from a place of alignment with the spirit of her course can completely change her level of confidence and release her from fear of criticism.

If you’ve ever felt like you’ve played small out of fear of judgment or failure, then you will probably resonate with Karolina’s journey!

Let’s dive in.

Listen to the episode below:

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This episode discusses topics like…

  • How fear of criticism can hold you back from boldly sharing with your audience
  • The disconnect entrepreneurs may experience around launching
  • What you’re doing that may not be attracting your ideal client
  • Vulnerabilities we experience as entrepreneurs
  • Tips on how to start feeling and acting bolder in your life and business
  • How to connect with the true essence of your offering and show up fully for the people you serve

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Did this episode help you expand what’s possible for your life or business? Do you think your social media followers may learn something, too? I’d be forever grateful if you shared it on social media. 🙂 If you do, tag @melyssa_griffin and @limitlesslifepodcast so I can repost you! Woohoo!

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Is fear holding you back in your business? What would it look like if you could release that belief?

Thank you SO much for being here, sweet friend. I’m honored to walk this journey with you. See you in the next episode!

xoxo
Melyssa

Read the Episode Transcript Here

Melyssa
Hi!

Karolina
Hi Melyssa, good to see you!

Melyssa
You too. How are you doing today?

Karolina
I’m doing really good. I had a really good morning. So I’m pretty upbeat and high energy.

Melyssa
Ooh, I can feel that. I love it. What was great about your morning?

Karolina
So, I am an alcohol-free life coach and I do my own groups and coaching. But I’m actually partnering with this much bigger organization, and they’re doing a sober October. And so I come in on Mondays and do this live q&a there. And there’s hundreds, if not thousands, more people in my life groups, you know, so they’re just feeding off. And I’m very energetic and positive and inspiring. And it really resonates with them. So it just feels really good.

Melyssa
Oh, wow, that feeling of the shared collaboration and the generosity of spirit is so fun to be on a place.

Karolina
You’re alive and just reconnects you to your deeper “why.”

Melyssa
Yes, that’s awesome. Oh, I’m so glad you got to do that.

Melyssa
I’m very excited to chat with you in this conversation, too. This equally as vibrant and alive and hopefully leave you feeling really good, too.

Melyssa
So in terms of what we talk about, it’s really up to you whatever direction you want to go in. Even if there’s a theme in your life that you want to talk about or a pattern you’re noticing, a belief that you’re feeling is getting in the way, we could just start there and then sort of take the thread and see where it goes. Or if there’s a situation or something more along those lines, then we can do that too. So any little breadcrumb and then we can take that and turn it into something.

Karolina
I think like I’ve been evolving so much in the last two months. So it was two months ago, an issue is no longer an issue. But I’ll just say I feel like super confident in my ability to attract one on one clients, make a huge impact in their lives, and kind of grow my community and reach. However, I feel really deep insecurities about launching stuff. And I guess I’ve had launches that didn’t go according to my expectations. Right. And that’s where we’re most disappointment for human lives is when things don’t go to our expectations. But I guess I just feel the most… am I doing everything wrong? When I’m launching, you know, it brings up all my limiting beliefs.

Melyssa
What are some of those limiting beliefs that come up?

Karolina
Well, it’s like does nobody like me? What am I doing wrong? How can other people figure this out? And why are they so successful? Yeah, are we using this or is this not started yet?

Melyssa
Either way, we can keep unraveling this, or we can use this as little warm up if you want. Okay?

Karolina
Yeah, I’ll just pretend like everything’s can be for us from now on.

Melyssa
So with launching, tell me how that feels different to you than working with one on one clients or attracting one on one clients.

Karolina
I think my heart is super genuine. I see so much potential in every person. I see so much. I believe in them so much. So, when I’m really working with them one on one, not only am I able to imbue that within them and really have them discover that belief within themselves, but also I’m not going anywhere. If they don’t figure it out on their own, or they have a slip, or just something doesn’t go out and right in their life, I’m not going anywhere, I’m there to walk them through everything. So, I do have courses that are a little bit more self study and if someone hits a wall, and doesn’t have it within themselves to keep going, I’m not their coach to be able to walk them through that experience.

Karolina
So I think, while most of my students have had so many transformational experiences, like through my course, it’s basically an eight week break from alcohol. Guided breaks to really dive deep in their own limiting beliefs and mindset. I think that there’s that fear that this isn’t 100% going to work for everyone, because some people need more help, or maybe someone in their corner as they’re walking through that. Maybe that’s a little bit of the disconnect.

Karolina
I believe in my coaching 1,000%. I believe in my course a lot too, but I can’t guess how everyone in the world will take it. If they’ll even finish it. If it will truly work for them.

Melyssa
Got it. So tell me about the the type of person that comes to you looking for support: where are they at in their life and in their journey?

Karolina
The type of client that really resonates the most and has the biggest epiphany – and also where I’m attracting my most ideal client – is someone who’s on a personal growth journey and they became aware to this idea of growing themselves and striving to become a better version of themselves and aligning their life to their deeper values and their bigger dreams. It’s not the first time they’ve ever thought about it. Maybe it was catalyzed through a wellness journey, perhaps maybe through a personal growth journey, a spiritual journey, but they’re along a certain path and when they come to me, alcohol is not congruent anymore to the person that they want to be and their really holistic lifestyle. It’s like that one red flag in there otherwise holistic lifestyle. And because they’re already on a journey of growth, they believe in personal growth, they believe that this stuff works. That’s where miracles happen. I think when you’re a skeptic, or you really haven’t seen evidence of personal growth, making shifts or transformations in your life, it’s harder to start there. It really is harder to start there.

Melyssa
So people who are on a personal growth journey, are they coming to you in a place of addiction? Or did they have that in their past?

Karolina
So, I work with what I call “gray area drinkers” and that looks like a normal drinker in our society. I wouldn’t ever use the word “addiction.” I think there’s a lot of solutions for people who find themselves in that rock bottom area. This is for people who find they have a complicated relationship with alcohol, but on the outside, it’s probably pretty normal to what most drinkers around them have, as well. But for them, they have a deeper level of awareness that it’s not aligned with what they want for their lives.

Melyssa
Got it. So, people who are on this holistic and healthy path, but alcohol is still part of their life, and they’re looking to remove that from their life?

Melyssa
Okay. And something that you said earlier, we’ll actually have a question for you kind of based on something that you said. When you’re in relationship, or maybe in your family dynamics, do you tend to be the person who wants to help and almost rescue other people from their problems?

Karolina
I guess it really depends. I’m the baby in my family. I was never offered the position to be the role model. Because I was the youngest. I was never also given the authority to be able to give advice to other people because I was the youngest and so I think that’s something that I’ve been trying to prove. That I have a lot to offer, I have a lot of experience, and a lot of evolutions and mental developments that I’ve gone through, and mindset shifts. I’ve learned a lot. I’m certified. I read like no other. I do so many programs and to be able to just have the gift not to know what advice works for someone, but just to be a listener, and to be able to help them discover their own truth is the point, really. And so I don’t think that was something that was a natural role that was offered to me, though, because I was the baby in the family.

Melyssa
And what about in your intimate relationships that you might have, whether it’s friendships or with a romantic partner? What kind of role do you tend to play in those relationships?

Karolina
The work I do is completely based on my own transformation. I was the type of person who was stuck in a boring nine-to-five, I lived for the weekends, I drank on the weekends. It wasn’t an issue per se in my life, except for the death of my potential. Before that, I just kept up with the status quo and kept up with appearances. But when I truly transformed my relationship with alcohol, and literally woke up to my life, to the profundity of having one life, and using it to go after my biggest dreams, because I’m not going to do it in the second life I have or the third life, this is the one life I have to do that – it woke me up, like no other transformation I’ve ever had. Since that point, it’s definitely been something that I radiate out to other people. A lot of people have been inspired, not to not only even to look into their relationship, necessarily, because of my transformation, but just to become better versions of themselves, you know, whether it’s their own personal growth or something like that. So I think right now, that’s definitely a role I play.

Melyssa
So, the inspirational one in your relationships? Kind of independent and the “lead by example” type?

Karolina
Yes, I would say so. Yes, today.

Melyssa
Okay. Good to know. With that feeling of, maybe in the past, you feeling like you need to prove yourself or that you weren’t given the authority that it seems like you very naturally have, that you have this natural leadership and desire to be a role model, but weren’t really granted that – whether it was because you were the youngest, or because of your family dynamics in general – you now are sort of rising from the ashes of “that’s who I used to be and I used alcohol to numb myself into that place to almost hide the gifts that I have” and now, “I’m sober and free, and the leader that I always knew that I was.” How does that play into you as a coach and a course creator?

Karolina
I think it’s a beautiful thing, because we all do it in different ways. But we play small and we withdraw. We usually do these things on autopilot, because we’re not really taught to believe so much in ourselves.

Melyssa
Can I jump in real quick? Instead of saying “we” can you say “I?”

Karolina
I had a lot of limiting beliefs and I had a lot of ways that I didn’t know how to manage my feelings and emotions. So, the call to really step up and play big in my life was terrifying. I used alcohol to lower the expectations for my life. To literally play small and to withdraw. It was so much easier to Netflix and wine, than write the next great American novel. Even though I had calls in my heart my whole life to be an author. When I invited myself to ask, “Do I want to play big or do I want to play small?” it really had so much to do with the limiting beliefs I had about who I could be in this world.

Karolina
As a coach and course creator, those were things I thought were for other people.I never, ever in my wildest dreams in my 20s thought that this is what I’d be doing one day. That was for someone else, some kind of leader, someone born with confidence. So, to be able to even step into that role and not have necessarily the confidence first. First, you get the experience. First you just do it. First, you just have action. Then, the feelings of competence and confidence come later – has been a tremendous growth in my own beliefs. Literally a leap of who I thought I could be and who I really can be when I just show up.

Melyssa
I’m really feeling this powerful side of you. So, why is it so hard for you to launch a course? Or to believe in your courses with this fiery, powerful role model that you are? Why is that so difficult?

Karolina
I don’t feel that way about coaching because I feel I believe in the transformation so much. I just know that I’m not going anywhere, they’re going to get it no matter what as long as we work together to uncover. I feel like when I’m launching, I almost feel like I’m bothering people. I almost tell myself these stories that, “Well, my niche isn’t sexy. I’m not asking people to become a digital nomad. How fun is that?” I’m asking people to look into their relationship with alcohol. Doesn’t sound fun on the outside, I believe it’s like tremendous fun, because you get to learn so much about yourself. But it’s not sexy on the outside. So I tell myself this story that I’m bothering people, when I invite them to do the introspection, and to take a break with me in a course, and really learn about themselves and what truly makes them happy. Because it’s so much bigger than Netflix and wine.

Melyssa
It’s interesting to hear you say that “my niche isn’t sexy,” but then in the same breath, say, “but this is what freedom is and this is how you rise into your full potential!” And it sounds like all the sexiest things that somebody could have in their life. So where’s the disconnect in why you’re saying that it’s this sort of boring thing that people are going to be turned off from? But in reality, it’s actually this gateway to everything they want?

Karolina
I think it has to become a level of awareness that you have around it. When you’re closed off, when you’re not aware. That’s what that’s what I used to think I guess, you know?

Melyssa
Do you think that they need to have this awareness that alcohol might be contributing to their their lack of vitality in life? Or could you lead with the thought of an explanation of “here’s everything you stand to gain” rather than just making the focus be about wine and alcohol?

Karolina
I think so. I believe it, but when I work with people at the beginning, it’s hard to even imagine. You think “Maybe I’ll have a little bit more energy, or I’ll sleep better,” but really, you go and chase the biggest dream you ever had since you were a little girl, and I witnessed it! I’ve seen my clients do that. I think it’s hard to believe that’s even possible at the start. Maybe I am so idealist and I shoot so high that I’m not relatable in a sense of what their possible belief is for what’s possible for them. I’ve had clients tell me that they believed me, because they’re giving me the benefit of the doubt, but they didn’t start believing themselves until many months later.

Melyssa
That almost seems like a theme: believing themselves and almost you believing in these people who take the course, too. I know earlier, you said “I really believe in my coaching, like I know, I can get people results. The course I’m not sure.” But the course I’m sure contains very similar information to what you give to a coaching client. So it’s the same energy, the same information and knowledge, the same journey, the only difference is that you’re not as much of a part of it if they’re going through the course. So it feels like perhaps the disconnect is them believing in themselves and also you believing in their possibility of getting amazing results through this different format of the way you’re expressing the knowledge and the course versus one-on-one. Does that make sense?

Karolina
Yeah. It does. I have to believe first.

Melyssa
Yeah. How does that feel? What comes up for you when you think that?

Karolina
Trying to be everything to everyone in the world is a crapshoot. That’s when I get into the racing thoughts or the hypothetical situations: “What if this…?” “What if that…?” That’s when I get into just trying to people please or worry about their opinions, but when I really, really think down to who I’m trying to serve, the ideal client, I know without a doubt that they’re the perfect person, not only for the course, but to get the ultimate transformation from it. If I just have to serve them – the ideal client – then I definitely do believe.

Melyssa
So, if you only have to serve the ideal client… what are you doing now that isn’t necessarily always attracting the ideal client?

Karolina
I think I could be a lot more bolder in messaging on my various different platforms. And that marketing saying of “attract and repel.” I’m probably trying to attract everyone.

Melyssa
Right. That makes sense. And that “attract and repel” is very compelling. If you think of a battery. If a battery has an opposite, right? There’s the polarity between the way that your messaging that you’re just naturally going to repel the people who are wrong for it, but deeply attract the people who are right for it versus if you’re putting out both energies, then it doesn’t have that polarity where people are deeply attracted to what you’re talking about. You kind of get the people who are wishy-washy, which it sounds like might be what’s happening when you’re launching your courses.

Karolina
I can definitely relate to that.

Melyssa
So, what does it look like when you show up as wishy-washy?

Karolina
Wishy-washy is not speaking my truth because I’m worried that it will land wrong in someone’s ears.

Melyssa
Tell me more.

Karolina
Wishy-washy is not being as direct and clear about the magnitude of what’s in store for people and really trying to fit in with some acceptable message or acceptable marketing or platform. I’m thinking on my different platforms and I feel the most nervous about posting stuff on Instagram, because random strangers are just coming across it all the time. Why am I worried about random strangers when I have my ideal client to attract?

Melyssa
It’s interesting that you say that wishy-washy is you distilling it into this acceptable message when your whole business and your whole ethos is about disrupting what everyone thinks is acceptable in society and getting them to take a very different action that might seem abnormal in our typical constructs of alcohol and life. Do you see how they’re in conflict with each other?

Karolina
Absolutely.

Melyssa
What’s the motivation behind wishy-washy? Why aren’t you already being the boldest, fiercest, unacceptable version?

Karolina
I guess it’s a fear of criticism, judgment and rejection.

Melyssa
Have you ever experienced that in your business? What was that like?

Karolina
Yeah, I’ve definitely had people comment things on blog posts, on social media or a refund request. I’ve definitely had it. I think some of the things that have happened in the past, I would react to so differently today. It would almost be water on a duck’s skin, compared to it happening then. Almost as if you have to go through it first to challenge yourself in that way and learn how you do want to respond to these different kinds of things. I guess the only way I could ever escape rejection, criticism, and judgment is if I only marketed to my mom.

Melyssa
Yes. I like that you said it that way: “only market it to my mom” and not market it in a wishy-washy way. Because even if you did it in the wishy-washy, acceptable way, you would still get criticism from people who don’t resonate with that.

Karolina
That’s true.

Melyssa
It sounds, in the past, you had some experiences where you got some negative comments or refund requests, and at that time, you didn’t have the capacity to hold it. And so you kind of went that wishy-washy route, let me be acceptable, not rock the boat too much. But at the same time, you’ve also been doing so much of your own growth and so much empowerment work inside yourself that you’re in this different place where receiving criticism wouldn’t have the same effect. Does that sound right to you?

Karolina
Yeah. I’m not completely immune but I think some of the things that I’ve already experienced, I would experience completely differently today.

Melyssa
Yes, yes. And I think none of us are completely immune. It’s such a, an ancient and animalistic thing that when we feel rejected, it’s deeper than just a single comment or email or something like that. So that is completely normal. But at the very least, seems like you’re in a place now, where if you did get that, it wouldn’t do you really like perhaps it did before.

Melyssa
How does that feel to just experience yourself in that way?

Karolina
It’s remarkable to look back on growth. Where you were and where you are today.

Melyssa
Where “I” am today, right?

Karolina
Where I am today.

Melyssa
Do you notice that you do that sometimes?

Karolina
Yeah. It probably is one of those ways to try to make the message more acceptable.

Melyssa
Yeah. Or maybe to – and let me know how this feels – to distance yourself from the vulnerability of it?

Karolina
Oh, yeah, for sure.

Melyssa
It’s like, I will teach the people about this subject, but I’m not the one living it.

Karolina
I have a hard time with that, for sure. I definitely want to be more vulnerable with my audience. The greatest vulnerabilities in my life today, are around being an entrepreneur. They’re around creating something to the world, an art really – as content creators – and putting it out to the world and trying to sell it to the world. Those are my greatest kind of vulnerabilities, wrapped around that. I feel I’m not allowed to share the ins and outs of my business when my niche has nothing to do with business, you know, and I just don’t see that many entrepreneurs doing that, unless they’re in the business niche, then it’s okay.

Melyssa
You mean, if you were to talk about the struggles you have with your business with your current audience? Is it possible to take the… because even the vulnerabilities you might have with something, have this universal edge to them. Even if they’re based on a situation in your business, they’re still something you could extrapolate as “here’s the the lesson.” Does that make sense that anyone would understand, regardless of if they’re following you for alcohol, or for business tips, you know what I mean?

Karolina
Yeah. I think that’s where I fall into the wishy washy again, because I try to get the root of the feelings, but then I’m not explaining what led to it. And so it’s just another way of not being totally direct, you know?

Melyssa
What’s interesting too, is that vulnerability doesn’t have to be on a stage like you creating a really open Instagram post or something like that. Sometimes the most difficult vulnerability is a one on one conversation with somebody else, or with family or with a small group of close friends. It can be a little easier even to share it on a stage or on Instagram, because you’re kind of speaking to no one, even though you’re speaking to a lot of people. So maybe just something to think about: how can I share these vulnerabilities and intimacy with the people in my life? I know earlier, you mentioned that. There’s this belief early on of “I need to prove myself, I have to prove that I have a lot to offer.” Let me know how this lands. But sometimes when that energy is really present, it can feel like I have a lot to prove, so I can’t be imperfect, because then they’ll see me for the fraud that I am or whatever it is.

Karolina
Yeah, that lands pretty close. And it’s almost a fear of being discredited a fear of “who the hell do you think you are?”

Melyssa
Like you’re standing on a chair and someone just like kicks the chair out from underneath you. And then you’re back standing on just regular ground. Do you think it’s possible to be a leader and a role model? And also be imperfect and vulnerable?

Karolina
Yeah, absolutely. And I, I relate probably the most to the leaders that, you know, offer that side of them. And I don’t know if I intellectualize it too much. But I just, I have a hard time seeing, “Oh, I’m nervous about this launch, guys. And also, here’s a launch.” You know what I mean? How do you share it?

Melyssa
Are you still thinking in terms of your vulnerabilities need to be shared with your audience?

Karolina
I guess you’re inviting me to get a little bit more creative about how I do it more in my personal life. And that feels a lot better at least to start with and I do have a coach and I do have support circles with women. I know, I feel the most understood and heard and cared for when I’m sharing the deepest parts of my vulnerability.

Melyssa
That’s beautiful. And sometimes, it can feel like when you have an audience or community that’s following you that you have to be everything to them, like you’ve got to share this part of your soul with them. And you don’t, actually. You can, absolutely. But you don’t have to. If you’re feeling like this place of, “I don’t know how much to share, or when, or maybe this will feel weird if I share this, because it’s different from what I normally talk about,” maybe you can listen to that for now, and share that kind of intimacy with people in your life that you want to build a deeper and more intimate connection with. And then see what overflows from that. Maybe there will be a piece or, something that feels good to share with your audience versus feels like you need to show up in a certain way because that’s what people do.

Karolina
Yeah, I could do that.

Melyssa
I want to go back to something that you were talking about earlier with attracting your ideal client, and how so far it’s been like you’re trying to attract everyone not leave anyone out. Because that would require you to be more bold, and I use the word bold, so what would it look like if you were being completely, bold in the way that you attract this ideal client? What would you be saying? How would you be feeling what would you be embodying and describe what that would be like?

Karolina
It’s speaking from the excitement that I have for someone’s mind blowing transformation to uncover their own limits and totally smash them. I take myself down from that ledge, and I’m like, “Well, this doesn’t apply for this person. And I want to make it resonate for moms.” I just go down and intellectualize it. And so it’s speaking from a profound lifeforce of truth without having to qualify it for every last person on this planet. And feeling like I’m offending people, if I don’t include them. And it’s honestly like, just the littlest things. In my niche, mocktails and non alcoholic drinks are so fun and almost critical to form new habits and to have fun and to not deprive yourself. For so long, those were super taboo. So, I used to be so nervous about even posting a frickin mocktail on my social media in fear that some some sober police is gonna come around and say something rude about it.

Karolina
I think I really censor myself a lot. And also even censor myself a little bit from you know, like you said earlier, I’m disrupting the status quo. I’m putting together a new normative behavior in a society that already has a very established one, where this means you’re a rebel. It means you’re an independent thinker. It means you do not go the way of the herd – the tribe mentality. You’re departing from that and you’re doing something as an act of self love for yourself and your health and your happiness, but it is a total disruption to the norm. I’m always still a little, like censored around even that, you know, and I’ve had, I’ve had plenty of comments like that of people trying to defend and call me out for doing that, for inviting that kind of conversation.

Melyssa
For inviting what kind of conversation?

Karolina
Curiosity around our habits with alcohol.

Melyssa
The sense that I’m getting is that everything you’re saying about disrupting the status quo, going against normative behavior and getting people to unleash themselves in this limitless way… that you can only lead people as deeply as you are willing to go there yourself. So, the more that you embody this disruption, this fierceness this “I’m just going to do it my own way, even if it goes against culture and society,” the more that other people will latch on to that, and that they will be able to be taken to that place, too. But if they don’t have anywhere to look for what that looks like, they can’t reach that place within themselves either.

Karolina
I totally agree. And I think there’s been times, especially lately in my business, where it’s gotten so much easier, things are just flowing, attracting the ideal clients, and I look at the marketing, and I’m not doing anything different on that kind of playing field, and it’s my mindset. When I show up, they show up. And if I hide, then it’s gonna be really hard.

Melyssa
Wise words. When you’re working one on one with a client, do you feel like you show up more in this ferocity?

Karolina
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Um, because the common ground is then and helping them discover their greatest truths. There is an authority piece to it a little bit too. I am a coach, and we’re working together in a coaching client relationship, you know, and that doesn’t, they have gifts that I don’t have, and like in other kind of relationships, they could give me advice on certain things, but in this realm, in this format, that’s how we’re working together. And it allows me to truly just do the work instead of second guess myself.

Melyssa
Yeah. So you show up, it seems like, in a more bold capacity?

Karolina
I think I have to, I don’t think I could be effective. If I was worried about how I sound or what I’m saying or doing. It’s not about me, it’s not about me.

Melyssa
Can you say that same thing in terms of the people who take your online courses?

Karolina
It’s not about me, it’s not about if it’s pretty, or if they like it, or any of that. It’s not about me, it’s about their transformation.

Melyssa
Yeah. And when you think about making it about them, and their transformation and what they need, in order to be willing to go down that path, what will change about your marketing, or the way that you talk about this program?

Karolina
I think it’s like less of a focus on “Am I worthy enough of even delivering this?” and it’s so much more about an empathetic, safe space that is so empowering for them. That’s the gift for them, and they are invited to get to a level of curiosity and introspection that they’re not given in daily life.

Melyssa
When I think of an empathetic, safe space, I think of a place that feels very nurturing, but that may not invite me to just throw the table, flip the table over, you know? Disrupt the whole status quo. Do you feel like there’s an element that gets to be added into this empathetic, safe space, to create that willingness in them to do something totally against the grain?

Karolina
I think it’s important to be intentional about that. Because I think you’re spot on and that’s what might feel like it’s missing sometimes. And when I’m embodying that, that’s when I get the most spirits – spirits are following me and they’re alive to it and they’re alive to their lives. And I think that that’s a – not the say “missing piece” because I’ve tried to do it, but I’ve never been that intentional about giving them the safe and empathetic space so that they can feel comfortable there and then challenging them in one of the most beautiful ways they’ll ever be challenged to really fundamentally believe in themselves.

Karolina
And I’m… well, it’s time for me to update some of my course material and redo some videos. I’ve been really hesitant to do that. In a general kind of procrastinator, it’s a lot of work kind of a way. And I think there’s a fear that the next iteration will still fall short, or something like that will still farsh fall short of what I want it to be.

Karolina
Because I want it to be this what you’re talking about, I want it to have this incredible sense of boldness and lifeforce and almost brazen way of taking your life back and giving that to other people. And so again, it’s an ability to have to trust myself that I can show up on the day of my video shoot, and bring that.

Melyssa
Can you do something with me for a second?

Karolina
Yeah.

Melyssa
I want you to close your eyes. Imagine that this course, this program is an actual being – a spirit. It’s not just a course that people take. It has an energy, it has an essence, it has a way of moving through the world. And so you’re not just creating a course, you’re actually collaborating with the spirit of this entity. And if the entity and this program could talk and tell you or tell me, I suppose, who it is, what would it say when it’s showing up in its biggest, boldest most effective state? Who is this being?

Karolina
It’s a life changer.

Melyssa
And as you describe it, I want you to embody it. So you can use “I” statements. And I want you to just fully feel into the energy of this program. Who are you?

Karolina
I’m a life changer. I give you this space so that your life will never be the same. So that you will never doubt that you have every single gift within you and you never have to outsource them to a drink or to a limiting belief that keeps you stuck. I give you the tools to learn how to love yourself and build your self esteem and your confidence and smash limiting beliefs you didn’t even know you had, so that you can keep reaching higher and higher for your bigger dreams and align your life to your deeper values. I gave you the gift to discover what makes you happy and to find meaning and fulfillment in your life. And to understand that you’re not alone and that there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re a human humaning on this planet. And what’s led you here is one of the most common phenomenons. It’s not an issue of right or wrong or you know, shame that the past… it’s an issue of asking yourself if you’re ready to step outside your comfort zone and try something you’ve never tried before. And in doing so, completely shift all the other things you never thought you could try or do before. And believe in having new experiences and making new friends and doing new physical feats and improving your health and the way you eat and treat your body and the way you take care of yourself and ultimately being so much more present for the ones that you love around you. Giving them the gift of presence and true connection. And finding all of this free time that you have, this beautiful mental energy that you have and really listening to a deeper sense of creativity and intuition within you to start creating. Whatever that looks like for you – to start creating in your life and finding your purpose, and it’s not over. It’s never over, you just start the journey. And the journey will continue leading you to more self discovery and more growth.

Melyssa
Yeah. And with your eyes still closed, still embodying this entity, this energy? What qualities do you embody in order to create this level of transformation for others, and you can say “I am” as you share each quality.

Karolina
I am belief. I am faith. I am trust. I am self love. I am confidence. I am purpose. I am passion. I am power. I am impact. I am rebelliousness. I am influence. I am meaning. I am fulfillment. I am introspection and reflection.

Melyssa
Thank you. How did it feel to embody that?

Karolina
It felt outside of me. It felt like it was bigger than me. It wasn’t about me. It wasn’t about the way it looked. It wasn’t about the packaging. It was about these greater gifts, this greater intentions behind it. And these greater tools to offer every one of those statements back to anyone who takes it.

Melyssa
I love that it feels outside of you. That it really is this spirit you’re collaborating with that you and the essence of this program are working together, you’re co-creating this experience for people. Takes a lot of the pressure off of you, too. You can just blame it on the spirit of this program. When you get a mean comment or email or something. Yeah, it sounds like it’s pushing you to be your most rebellious introspective full self too.

Karolina
I really like that idea of giving it its own kind of identity.

Melyssa
And what’s cool about that is that in any of the moments where you feel like you’re afraid to post something, post the mocktail because somebody might say, “Aren’t you an alcohol free person?” You can then tap into this spirit that you know exists inside this program and your brand and in you and start to almost channel that embodiment of the message, the mission over the fear. And it’s always available.

Melyssa
What are some ways that you feel like in – let’s use a course launch as an example. Because I know that’s what we started talking about. When you’re launching a course. And there’s this part of you this voice that says don’t get too crazy, don’t say anything that’s too out there. And there’s this other part of you that knows that saying the thing that’s out there that’s bold, or rebellious will attract the right people to the program who will get the best results. What are some ways that you can contact the spirit of the program, the true essence of the program within yourself so that you can show up fully in those moments?

Karolina
That’s a really good question because I feel the launch itself is obviously around the program and what I have to offer, what kind of transformation that I’m guiding people through but it’s also stuck in the marketing and I get stuck in that. And all of a sudden, all this other stuff comes up. I don’t know what I’m doing or I don’t know how to put on all the technical stuff that comes in a launch – I don’t know how to do all that, or I do it and it doesn’t work r I’m emailing people too much, that one’s great.

Karolina
I think I lose that connection in that two weeks or three weeks, I lose that connection with the greater why with the spirit of the course.

Melyssa
Which makes sense if you’re not intentionally creating a practice to contact the spirit of the course. So how can… that’s the old way, where you kind of just lost it in the middle of the launch, because all that stuff started to pop up, which makes sense that tech stuff and all the things. That was the old way, so the new way now will be remaining in constant contact with the spirit of this program, during the launching of it. How can you do that? In a way that might be different than what you’ve done before?

Karolina
Yeah, maybe I could ask it questions in a journal kind of prompt and then let, even if it’s just a few sentences, let myself just tap into the spirit and see what answers it has for me. Especially about stuff that’s silly, because sometimes the meta stuff is easier to grasp, but then you’re stuck in the “Am I emailing people too much?” dialogue. And so maybe I ask the spirit “Am I emailing people too much?”

Melyssa
Yeah. I love that. I think that’s fantastic. To actually have a conversation, asking questions, and it can write you back. How do I set up a webinar? How many emails should I send? It will know.

Melyssa
You think that’s something you could do as a either daily or leading into and during your lunches?

Karolina
Yeah, I think I get the most confusion about “what am I going to do it? What’s gonna be the pre sequence…? like, all of just the stuff, it gets so confusing in my mind. And so that kind of clarity and connection to like, not like what’s right, not what’s gonna like work perfectly. But what’s, what’s a manifestation of showing up in a higher level that is congruent with this beautiful spirit? I think I need a lot more clarity on that, because I get stuck in these weeds. And it just feels really hard. And then I’m sure from that energy of feeling like it’s really hard. You know, the results have never been what I expected. And then I’m disappointed and then I have the limiting belief that I’m just not good at it. You know, like, other people know how to do this. I don’t, or just doesn’t work for this, or for my audience, or I don’t know.

Melyssa
Yeah. It’s been hard because you’re forgetting that you’re the vessel for this transformation. You collaborating with this spirit that’s communicating through you with this program. But that it’s not about you at all. You’re like the container that holds… kind of like a translator, the program is telling you all of these things to communicate, but you’re forgetting that connection to the program. That you think you have to have all the answers.

Karolina
Yeah. I think that takes a lot of like the blame off to you know, like, if something doesn’t work out the way you saw it. You don’t have to attach like blame, like, Oh, I did it wrong. I didn’t show up on the story enough. The webinar wasn’t good, you know, enough, like all of that. Crazy rumination. Like you were just a vessel you were being called by something outside of you.

Karolina
And it had different outcomes and expectations than you do to

Melyssa
Yeah, Because if you ask the program, the energy of the program, how do I market this? How do I set it up? It would have a distinct response. Knows exactly what it’s here to help people with. And so I think the more that you can stay in contact with that entity, the easier it will feel. The less lonely it’ll feel to do you have to prove anything, or you have to get it right. That’s actually this. Yeah, this translation of this, this beautiful transformation, that you get to help people with you, and this program gets to help people with. So staying in deep contact with that.

Karolina
I really like that. The idea of not being alone, I’m not. I’m not like pushing the rock by myself up this hill.

Melyssa
Why do you like that so much?

Karolina
I that’s how it’s felt. You know, like, that’s how it’s about being a solopreneur. I mean, I have a, I have some people who work for me, but, you know, in general, like the vision and the, like, the responsibility of it all, you know, it’s just on my shoulders and and when it doesn’t work, it’s like, well, I didn’t do it well enough, or, you know, it’s just kind of goes down that rabbit hole.

Melyssa
Yeah. And now you get to have this creature to do it with together. How much more fun and impactful. Like, it’s directing you.

Karolina
Yeah, you know, and even like, even when I get that resistance of how hard it’s going to be to make changes to it, or iterate and improve it. Like the feeling of it being a spirit that’s calling to have this element or it’s calling to have, you know, a stronger voice, it’s calling to have a stronger voice. That’s what it’s calling for. And it’s my job to listen to that and execute it.

Melyssa
Yeah. Yeah. And it’s like, it’s speaking to you in this language that not everyone understands. And so you’re here as the translator to share that strong voice with the people who follow you and are attracted to this work. It means you and you need this spirit to this real co creation of how you’re coming together to impact people. I feel like with this, it will become so much easier. Maybe it doesn’t feel that way right now. But I think the more that you get in contact with this spirit, essence of the program the easier it’ll feel.

Karolina
I’ll practice it.

Melyssa
Well keep me posted on how it goes, what it says. How it helps you shift and the way that you show up.

Karolina
I will.

Melyssa
Beautiful. Thank you.

Karolina
Oh, thank you. Like I’ve, I’ve listened to so many like podcasts and, you know, leaders in this, like, I’ve never heard this idea of giving the course a spirit. And I think that’s really powerful. And I think, you know, like, our higher selves or our deeper subconscious, whatever you call it, like when we ask it has the answers there for us right and I just to be able to give that same kind of energy to this course and stop feeling So much like it’s a place for other people to judge me. And to just like, actually, it’s its own, like beautiful thing. I’m excited for that mindset shift.

Melyssa
Yeah, I’m excited to see what comes of that too. And I think from that energy, too, it’s what you were saying earlier of, it’s not about you at all. And that’ll feel safe to feel like it’s not about you, when you know that there’s this spirit that you get to hang out with and collaborate with, for the greater mission of what you’re creating. Really powerful. Thank you.

Karolina
Thank you for offering that.

Melyssa
Thanks for being so open. And I just really loved the flow of that conversation. So thank you.

Karolina
No, thank you. I honestly I have to say like, I know people who are in your audience who are in my audience, and then so I was really like, do I really want to be this? You know, but I feel really good that I was just so honest about it. I feel really good about that.

Melyssa
Good. I think your words and insights are gonna help a lot of people. Yeah, people are gonna really embrace this conversation. I think.

Karolina
I can’t be the only one so nervous or hung up about launching right.

Melyssa
Now, at all, what a universal thing that so many people experience. Yeah. And not a topic. I think we’ve covered in one of these episodes, I think it’ll really resonate with a lot of people. Yeah. Thank you.

Karolina
Thank you.

Melyssa
Well go back to having your magical amazing day. Yeah, and we’ll chat soon. I appreciate you.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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