How to Come Back to Yourself When Your Anxiety is Raging (Episode 78)

Melyssa Griffin

22 min

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On today’s #LimitlessCoaching episode, I have a conversation with another mastermind member named Mariah. Mariah is a graphic designer who is being led to do work that is in the direction of her alignment. To honor this, she has decided to let go of her current business structure to start from scratch and offer online courses.

She has major anxiety and guilt around giving up a part of her business that’s been doing really well financially because she knows that other people are suffering right now, especially during the global pandemic. She’s also uncertain about what this transition could mean for her relationship with her significant other and whether she can live up to the goals and dreams she has created for herself.

This episode is all about how to come back to yourself when your anxiety is raging and I think it’s a relevant topic that many people – maybe even you – can relate to.

During our conversation, we explore some of the reasons why Mariah tends to take on more than she is asked and how it  perpetuates feelings of guilt, anxiety and resentment. We also identify some self-approval practices that Mariah can include into her daily life to ease her angst, boost her self confidence and self-trust.

If you are someone who has a fear of disappointing people, have lost alignment with your true self or are nervous about making a big transition in your life too, listen in because Mariah’s story will inspire you as you navigate change. 

Let’s dive in!

Listen to the episode below:

This episode discusses topics like…

  • Why Mariah feels a sense of guilt in pivoting her business and leaving behind what is already successful for her 
  • How fear can be the underlying issue behind feelings of guilt
  • The challenges she’s had facing anxiety with a scarcity mindset
  • What can happen when you begin trusting yourself as much as others do
  • Mariah’s fears of not living up to the big goals, hopes and dreams she has for herself
  • Creating space for self-approval, self-connection and boundaries and the intentions around it

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Share on social?

Did this episode help you expand what’s possible for your life or business? Do you think your social media followers may learn something, too? I’d be forever grateful if you shared it on social media. 🙂 If you do, tag @melyssa_griffin and @limitlesslifepodcast so I can repost you! Woohoo!

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Are there any areas in your life where you tare taking on more responsibility than necessary to receive approval?  Did this episode inspire you to set some intentions and self approval practices so that you can reconnect to yourself?

Thank you SO much for being here, sweet friend. I’m honored to walk this journey with you. See you in the next episode!

xoxo
Melyssa

Read the Episode Transcript Here

Melyssa
Mariah, what do you want to talk about today?

Mariah
Yeah, I think the biggest thing right now is I’m in this like really big transition period in my life as a product just like loads of anxiety over the last several months, I’m in the process of getting rid of client work completely. And that’s been really, really, really, really scary for me to do, even though it’s what I really want to be doing. I’ve been having conversations and been doing it, it’s taken me many months of like, kind of running myself to the ground to officially make that move. But I’ve also just, I’ve known of the back of my mind for a while now that it’s the right move. I’m just really freaked out about like giving up that side of my business that I’ve spent, like five years building up that brings in good money and stability. And security and yeah, I just really want to dig into that, I think.

Melyssa
Awesome. Well, that gives us a lot to work with. Yeah. So it sounds like it’s this feeling of, you’ve spent five years growing this company and it’s very service base working with clients. Now you’re wanting to go in a different direction and the thought of like, changing something you’ve built for so many years, and that is very successful, is pretty confronting.

Mariah
Mm hmm. Yeah, I think especially right now, too. It’s like, it feels really important for me to make this transition because I’m transitioning into like mentoring and teaching a lot more, which really lights me up and gets me really excited and feel like really, really important right now. It’s just the whole world. But it’s also like, am I actually insane? You know what I mean like we are in like huge recession and you know what I mean? Like, it’s freaks me out a little bit.

Melyssa
So you feel like because we are experiencing some economic challenges globally, that it’s not the right time for you to pivot in your business.

Mariah
It just feels like an added layer of like, anxiety, I think, and, like, bought a house. And yeah, it just feels a little wild and it’s also like, I sort of feel, I don’t know, kind of crappy. There’s so many people that don’t have any work and I’m just gonna be like, well, I just don’t want any of this anymore. So, you know, like, I’m so grateful that I’ve been so busy the last six months. But I also just know that it’s not what I’m supposed to be doing anymore.You know?

Melyssa
I definitely know. Yeah, and it sounds like you’re being pulled in the direction of your alignment, but there’s almost this guilt of who am I to give up something that’s working really well for me when other people don’t have what I have right now? And I’m just going to give it up.

Mariah
100% yeah.

Melyssa
Yeah. So how is that mindset serving those people that don’t have a lot right now?

Mariah
It’s probably not because they don’t know that I’m doing this anyway. Right?

Melyssa
Would it be possible that you moving into your alignment and doing something that you feel really joyful about might actually help those people in some capacity more than you doing work that burns you out?

Mariah
Yeah, I mean, definitely. And I think that’s, I know that deep down too. I mean, the reason I started my business in the first place is because I was laid off and so I feel like really called to like step up and be like, Hey, I can help you grow your freelance business to provide did it but the Yeah, I think, so yeah, I guess what that does, like, help that a lot. Like step up and do it for real because it’s also scary.

Melyssa
I have a hunch that might be what’s underneath it, because you kind of just answered your own question that actually you working with clients is helping less people than your own story of being laid off, like so many people have been this year, and then you’re moving in the direction of actually being able to help those people to gain work and skills career. So it sounds like you living in your alignment would be helping a lot more people live in theirs too. But maybe there’s this fear underneath. And usually the fear does come out as like guilt. I don’t want to do anything bad or more, and that’s what the fear says. But then underneath that actually can be something more like what we’re talking about now, which is then I have to do it. And then what? That can be scary.

Mariah
Yeah, well, I think, like, even when I started my freelancing, like, I know how to design for clients and knew that going into it, I know what that looks like, I know what that process is, I was able to figure out how to get clients and so all of that was like, it was scary for me to do but it was still like, familiar and although I’ve been doing like I’ve had courses just like a side hustle for a while now. I’ve always just defaulted back into client work. Because well A.) It was always there B.) I like can’t I have a hard time putting my own stuff before other people stuff. So that was like an easy way to do that. And then I like the course of I theoretically know what I’m doing. And I’ve done it for years now. But like it feels, I’ve never had to solely rely on it so I’ve never had to like, I don’t know, I guess really worry about it. It’s just like very unknown of like, What’s going to happen? And where am I going to go? And I know deep down, I’ll figure it out because I literally always do. But it’s just like very more. Right? It’s just way more unknown than, like, the first time I started my business. You know what I mean?

Melyssa
yes, I do know what you mean. So it’s this experience of you’re venturing into something that feels new. What was that experience like when you were starting your business five years ago, when you were also jumping into something new?

Mariah
It felt like less pressure than I think because it wasn’t my fault that I got laid off. Whereas, like now it is my fault if I give up my entire business.

Melyssa
Let’s change the language on that really quick. Was it your fault or your decision?

Mariah
Well, it’s my decision. But it feels like, if I like, almost if I can’t make this one work as well as I made the last one work. That was like my fault. You know?

Melyssa
And what comes up for you and you think it’s my fault that it doesn’t work?

Mariah
I guess just letting other people down.

Melyssa
Who are you afraid of letting down if this new direction doesn’t work out?

Mariah
Mostly my partner. Yeah, I just don’t want that all come down on him, because he works really hard. But I also know that if I don’t do this, like, I know that this side like this new path is just going to be a lot more scalable for both of us. So..

Melyssa
How do you show up in your relationship now as a result of doing work that doesn’t In light you up in that earlier you said, you’re very anxious and hustling all the time to make it happen. How does that reflect in your relationship?

Mariah
It just means about as much time for him, which I hate. And I’m grumpyand not always that fun to be around. And I’ve had many mental breakdowns.Yeah, I guess.

Melyssa
So what might be possible? If that’s the case of feeling grumpy not enough time to be together not very fun to be around mental breakdowns what might be possible if you were doing work, where you didn’t have to experience any of that where you actually felt joyful and happy and had more boundaries with work. You had more time together?

Mariah
That’d be great. Because that’s all it really matters to me anyways, like quality time, that’s like very much my love language. So it’s like, half the reason I run my business is so that I can, like, have time with people that I love.

Melyssa
So it sounds like your relationship might improve, and your relationship to yourself might improve too. You’ll feel more taken care of. And do you think from that place of feeling rejuvenated from the inside out that it might actually be easier to create income for this new side of your business?

Mariah
Yeah, that’s my hope. But I do worry, it looks like some I don’t I feel kind of silly, but like, I do worry because I’ve been so anxious about it, but I’m gonna like, put that energy out there instead of the like excitement like because I am really excited about it. And this week, I have done a lot better, like I only bit off one of my meals instead of all 10. So we’re getting better with like anxiousness and I’ve been more excited. I think that’s because I’ve had the conversations with my clients, like pretty much all of them. So I think getting that out of the way helped and sort of made it a little more real, and gave me like kind of a light at the end of the tunnel when I’ll be able to do things that I’m excited about again. But the anxieties still definitely there. And I’m just trying to figure out how to make sure that that doesn’t, I guess, hold me back.

Melyssa
Mm hmm. Can you do something with me for a second? Can you close your eyes and I want you to envision your anxiety walking into the room.

Mariah
Mm hmm.

Melyssa
And it’s walking over to you, sitting down across from you. It’s an actual being that’s there with you. And you ask the anxiety, What do you want to tell me? What does it anxiety tell you?

Mariah
It wasn’t like it says things and more of like, it just feels really, like all consuming and makes it really hard to concentrate. I mean, it’s just like panic attacks with all this. So to play to be, and it’s hard to focus on anything because of just like how present it is. So it’s really hard for me to like connect with what I want to be doing, because that’s just like so present

Melyssa
So it sounds like it’s more of less of a mental construction more of a physical.

Mariah
Mm hmm.

Melyssa
Is there a certain place in your body where you tend to feel anxiety the most?

Mariah
Like my lungs, my chest, I guess my heart will race and that’s just like hearts a breathe.

Melyssa
Right. And when that happens, what do you normally do? If anything?

Mariah
I usually will like take 10 minutes and go like lay on the hammock or watch an episode of “Queer Eye” or like just something that’s not what I was doing at the time this like get my mind off of it. Yeah.

Melyssa
When you’re on the hammock, what are you doing?

Mariah
Just nothing

Melyssa
Nothing like resting or nothing like on your phone something like that?

Mariah
I’d say it’s a solid 50/50.

Melyssa
Yeah. Okay. And does that help? You feel like you come back to center? Or do you feel like there’s still a little lingering anxiety after that?

Mariah
Usually there’s lingering anxiety. But I’ve also like, had anxiety for so long that I am like, if it’s not terrible, I can just like, ignore it. But just lately, it’s been just bad

Melyssa
And bad because you’re considering this big transition.

Mariah
Yeah, I think I just feel like very unsteady or just steady. It’s just like, I just been very uncomfortable lately. You know what I mean? Like, I really like being in my comfort zone. But like, maybe it may be stretching it a little bit, but like I’m stretching it. A lot of it. Like a lot, and I think a lot of it is just, I mean, I did like physically move to a new place. So my like, my actual physical life is sort of in shambles right now. Just that just, I guess it just feels messy. And then it’s also like I’m making this like big, really scary moves behind the scenes. And that feels kind of scary and messy too. And I think most of it honestly is just like, oh, fear of, it’s just like a financial fear because I’ve just like, especially let’s be real, especially around like the recession. I growing up. My stepdad was like, like off in 2008 and was unemployed for like, years and years and years because of it. And that like really affected me. And so I think It’s just been bringing up a whole lot of that plus, I’m like, just gonna leap and catch myself as I go, you know? So it’s just been like, a lot.

Melyssa
That is a lot. That’s a lot for somebody who doesn’t have xiety on a regular basis. And I can understand how that is exacerbating anxiety to like a tremendous level. When you saw your stepdad lose his job and be unemployed for a few years, what landed inside of you from that experience, what did you learn observing that? or How did he show up differently?

Mariah
Well, I think I like even when it happened, I like took on this role of like, I remember like, not inviting my friends over because I didn’t want them to eat our food. Like, it wasn’t that bad, but like I just was freaked out about it too because I think people around me were and so I like took it upon myself, I would like to help fix things and so that like even I mean, I was just like very aware of it like probably more than my younger brother who was in the house at the same time he was. And I think I really probably grew up with this mindset of like, there’s never enough and you have to work really hard. I definitely learned that I was like, pretty fully rejected that. Not trying to do that. But I do think I still have like a very strong scarcity mindset that I’ve worked towards overcoming for a long time. But I’m not at all there yet.

Melyssa
Was there ever a verbal message to you of like, Don’t invite your friends over. They might eat our food. Were there a lot of verbal messages or were they more observations of okay, I think this is how things are going. So I’m going to follow line and do it that way too.

Mariah
I don’t. This is the thing that I don’t understand about myself because I take on things that nobody asked me to do. Like nobody didn’t want me to have friends over in fact, I think it was probably the opposite. Our house was always the house that all of my friends hung out out. All my friends, like love my parents, like, that was our house that I was like, extra conscientious of like, I don’t want to, like have my friends over for lunch anymore, whatever. Nobody asked me to do that. But I I don’t I took it upon myself to do that for eyes literally. I do not know why. It’s the same thing like growing up in school. I like made it my life’s mission to like never get a B. Nobody told me I couldn’t get a B. None of my siblings were like that. It was just like I had to be the like golden child and you know, and I don’t have any idea who Why’d you decide that at a young age, but I did.

Melyssa
If you can think about what was the benefit of never getting a B, or what was the benefit of taking care of your family?

Mariah
I don’t know if it was like a, I think partially was like, I want other people to see how great I’m doing or something like an approval thing. I don’t fully know. I mean, I do. Yeah. I don’t know. Probably approval.

Melyssa
Mm hmm. Yeah. It sounds like it could be certainly part of it. And what struck me is that you said I take on things that nobody asked me to do. Do you think that could be playing out right now in your relationship that you’re taking on this role of feeling anxious about the pivot because of how it might affect your partner? Maybe he didn’t ask you to do that.

Mariah
Yeah.

Melyssa
And have you communicated to him how you feel about this and some of your fears andanxiety about it?

Mariah
Yeah, I don’t think she gets it as much because he was like, really level headed. When it comes to money. It’s always like, we’ll figure it out. It’s fine. And I’m over here, like, everything’s burning down. I don’t know what to do. And so he’s less breech. He has said like, yeah, I mean, we might like, again, hit for a minute, but you’ll figure it out. Even that. I was like, take hit for a minute like that. We hate that. But I’ve also like I did just get to a point last week after my second like 2am night working where I was like I am more uncomfortable doing this than I would be if I just like made the switch. You know what I mean.

Melyssa
oh, that’s an interesting observation. You’re comfortable feeling anxious about it than if you just did it?

Mariah
Now I’m more uncomfortable being burnt out and doing client work than I am just going for it.

Melyssa
Mm hmm. And what does that tell you?

Mariah
It tells me that I spend way too long. Doing things that I don’t enjoy until my body finally shuts down. It’s like you have to do something different. And then I do it.

Melyssa
So it sounds like an opportunity.

Mariah
Uh, huh.

Melyssa
Step into a new way of being instead of perpetuating a pattern that you learned from maybe your stepdad, and maybe before then that’s been going for a long, long time. And that’s pretty cool. Because when we start to notice those patterns and see almost like the portal witness the portal of this actually feels worse than if I just went for it. I see that as a portal moment. And when you go for the portal, then the pattern starts to rewire forever.

Mariah
Yeah, and I think I’ve already like even just working for myself for the last five years have like, already started to shift the narrative and form new I don’t know, cycles or whatever. Because I really have rejected a lot of just like, I have for parents all for my parents like mindset around like what a job has to look like and financial, a lot of things but yeah, I think it’s still just this like scarcity thaing has really like held me back? Still?

Melyssa
Do you ever hear them kind of in your head when you think about making this pivot?

Mariah
Not as much and more I think I did when I first looked like, I’m going to freelance and just figure it out. I was sort of worried to tell both my mom and my dad because I thought they’d be like, that’s irresponsible. What are you going to do? Even I mean, like, what about a 401k and all these things, but now they like even with this transition. It’s kind of silly because even when they know that, I’m like, giving up my clients, but they’re the ones that are like, yeah, you’ll figure it out. You always do. Like you’ll, you’ll be you’ll be successful. And I’m like, Are you sure? So it’s funny that they’re the ones that are like, totally on board now. And like, potentially trust me more than I trust myself, which is also cool. I like showing them that. Yeah, well, you’re going

Melyssa
Hey limitless listener. We’ll get back to the show in just a moment. But I wanted to take 20 seconds to invite you to the free at home digital retreat that I created just for you. It’s called limitless entrepreneur and it’s all about helping you to create an abundant, fearless mindset. All while growing your online business. You want to join just visit limitless entrepreneur retreat, calm to register, it’s totally free. That’s limitless entrepreneur. retreat.com. All right, friend back to the show.

Melyssa
What you just said struck me they trust me more than I trust myself. And this is kind of like a theme here of you are always the person that take on things that nobody asked you to do. Because you got the love and approval when you did not And the recognition perhaps. And everyone kind of trusted you, your partner trusts you, your family trusts you. And so it feels like the missing piece here is Do you trust you? And what would make you think that you can’t trust you in moving into this transition?

Mariah
I think, I don’t know. Part of me is like, fully on board because I also know I trust myself in that if I’ve decided I’m gonna do something that I’m like, I always do it. Even if I don’t know how I’m going to do that. I’ve just, that’s just happened my whole life. And so I do. I trust that from like that experience, but they think it is still this like, it feels just more unknown or like there’s not a clear paths for what that’s going to look like, which is exciting, but also maybe more scary. I don’t know. I also think I worried that I will like set a, I don’t know goals and I just won’t follow through on them because I don’t do it well enough for some I don’t know. I don’t know. You’re looking at me like, you know,

Melyssa
I don’t know. I’m just waiting to see if there’s anything else in there that wants to come out. What if you did know?

Mariah
It will probably be easier to sort it out.

Melyssa
You’d know that now.

Mariah
This will be easier. I think I just probably have like a, probably just the perfectionist, and people pleaser in me makes me nervous that I won’t live up to all of these, like big hopes and dreams and plans that I have and like this will be the time when I like totally screw it all up, you know?

Melyssa
What would happen if you totally screwed it all up?

Mariah
Well, practically speaking, I would probably just go back and find more clients and do what I do. Or I try again, I don’t know. It depends on the situation but I think emotionally speaking, I would feel really ashamed that I didn’t do it right the first time.

Melyssa
Why?

Mariah
Because I have this inner critic, that has to do everything right be everything for everybody else. And I don’t know where that came from, but it is exhausted. don’t recommend it.

Melyssa
Yeah. And is that true that you have to do and be everything for everyone?

Mariah
No. For sure not. I just put it on myself. So, no, I this all goes back to the approval thing. I just want approval from other people.

Melyssa
Have you heard of Byron Katie? She has a process of investigation, investigating your thoughts that I really like. But I want to try a few of the questions that she poses because I think they can be really helpful, because something that you mentioned was I just want everyone to approve of me. I think that’s what you said. She has this thing called the turnarounds where you shift, essentially the subject of what you’re talking about. And you look for evidence and why that’s as true or truer than the original statement. So I want others to approve of me could become I want me to approve of me. How might that be as true or true or what’s some evidence that you want to approve a view?

Mariah
Give me samples of what that would look like?

Melyssa
Yeah, so you want to approve of you because you feel guilty and ashamed if you don’t hit your goals the way that you want to?

Mariah
Yeah, I feel guilty or like I let somebody else down. Or like, I’m not who they need me to be or in the moment or role and whatever that is. Probably the biggest thing.

Melyssa
Yeah. So I’m wondering how could you create more self approval or self connection, something that stood out to me that you said earlier was that when you do feel anxious, you’ll watch a TV show, or possibly on your phone. And so those things can actually pull you away from yourself instead of connecting you to yourself, which can actually exacerbate feeling anxious. So what are some ways that you could create more self approval or self connection that might benefit you in those moments?

Mariah
Yeah, I think Well, I think I need to like readapt full sort of like journaling or meditating or something, some sort of mindfulness activity each day because I like fully let that go by the wayside, mainly because I like too busy

Melyssa
quotations do that or just feel too overwhelmed with everything else I have to do is I just skip that which I also know is not not the move but something that I’ve done in the past that’s really helpful actually have me do this too is like write down things I have done and have accomplished because I forget that sometimes if I like make like really awesome goals it like when it doesn’t feel the way I thought it would which I’m sure you understand to be it’s a it’s like okay on to the next thing and so a probably like celebrating those wins and like sharing them because I’m really bad at sharing them. I don’t I really hate like being center of attention, like I don’t really like that. And so I don’t share things like that often. But I also sometimes just need a reminder of like the really impressive things I have done because I know that other people like, look at me and see all of those things, but I don’t necessarily see that myself.

Melyssa
But were the cuts to me is pause that feels like with the mindfulness practices of journaling or meditating, they’re really about pausing and coming back to this aware, mindful place and then celebrating is like, instead of just moving on to the next thing, which is sort of this bucket that’s never filling up, it’s just has a leaky hole in it. Every time you accomplish something, it just drains out the bottom and it’s on to the next thing. So feels like adding some sort of pause and pause practices into your life would actually heal a lot those stories and make what you’re doing feel more fulfilling and less draining.

Mariah
Yeah, no, I agree. I totally agree.

Melyssa
So what could that look like if you added you said journaling meditating? What would that look like for you if you did them on a consistent basis?

Mariah
Maybe yoga, just being outside in general. That’s like very healing for me. Like in continually setting times on bike rides or hikes or things like that. I would like to be more of which is also why I’m making this transition. I’ll have more time to do that.

Melyssa
Love all of those are great. And in terms of when you have that like really anxious moment when something happens with something that you could do like a 10 to 20 minute practice that you can do to bring yourself back to it. calmer, more peaceful state.

Mariah
I guess probably just go meditate for a bit.

Melyssa
Does that resonate with you?

Mariah
Yeah, I think so. Oh, I just can’t decide if I actually do it.

Melyssa
What would stop you from actually doing it?

Mariah
I don’t know. I guess I just I’d known this the whole time and I still haven’t done it. yet. Why? Yeah, I guess maybe because when I do have that anxiety is like, it feels too loud to like, actually, meditate. Well, which I don’t know.

Melyssa
I get what you’re saying though. Yeah. Can we make the barrier of entry even smaller, or more fun, so that it’s something you might actually do? Sometimes sitting in, like, meditating doesn’t always sound appealing when we’re in stress. So I understand.

Mariah
I mean, maybe just hammock without my phone. I really love the hammock.

Melyssa
I love that idea.

Mariah
Yeah, just getting some sunshine.

Melyssa
Maybe you could set a timer for five to 10 minutes. The ego part of your brain that’s like, I need my phone. I need something that will look at. Just remind yourself. You just have five more minutes. Okay? Yeah, stay there a little longer if you’re enjoying yourself without your phone. I like that idea. Cool. And you mentioned earlier that you’ve been having some work nights until like two in the morning. Have those been working on this new transition?

Mariah
No, no, nothing about no just client stuff. I’ve just been planned. I work and I know people pleasing means that I don’t say no to things when I should or I set unreasonable deadlines and that has really become problematic, the last few weeks, especially while I’m also trying to move and unpack my whole life. That’s all stuff that I do to myself and I know it. And I always suffer from it. And I have since high school, which is also why I’m kind of not doing it anymore.

Melyssa
Is there anyone else on your team that helps to manage deadlines? Or that could?

Mariah
I used to have like a full team around the agency side of my business, but there was like, six, maybe eight weeks where like business super slowed down because of COVID. And so I let those two girls go. It was just like, it doesn’t make sense for me to like, have them on retainer when there’s like I could just do it all. And then like, everything exploded again and my business is just totally as normal, maybe bigger, normal. And I think that that was necessary to happen. Because I spent I really spent the last year like trying to do both like my core side of my business and the agency side of my business. But even with that team, I’m still spending so many hours of my day doing client stuff, because it just kept growing, which is great. But it’s just not like deep down where I want to be spending my time and attention anymore. So once I have let that team go, like I don’t really want to build up that team again, because I don’t really want that business anymore. So I’ve spent like three months just doing it all myself and just like totally, like draining myself in the process, just to like really solidify that I don’t want to do this anymore. And so I have a new team, but it’s like fully around the like core side of the business instead. So they’re helping me keep that going. While I’m just like totally swamping clients, stuff. But I did officially set a deadline that August 15. for like my most of my clients are just recurring clients. I haven’t taken a new client many months. But I told them that I will do like take on new projects and tell then, I give them enough time to find somebody else. And then I’m done. So things have been slowing down. Like this week specifically, I think it’ll just keep slowing down a bit more.

Melyssa
Can I share an idea?

Mariah
Yeah.

Melyssa
Is it possible to bring on one or two of those people you used to work with to help you with the client stuff until then?

Mariah
I’ve sort of done that one of the girls is not taking clients right now. She’s also kind of out over it too. But I have one girl on that is doing a lot of like a specific client for me and then I’m actually having her take over one of my like, my big, big clients, so talking to her next week, well that she can just take it for good.So that was a big move actually, cuz I was like, that kind of long was like $5,000 a month for me. So, like every month, so, but it also frees up a lot of time.

Melyssa
Mm hmm.

Mariah
Which I’m very excited about.

Melyssa
So what can we fill that free time with that may actually help you connect to yourself a little bit more?

Mariah
Hmm. That’s a good question because I was going to answer with work stuff. So

Melyssa
I know

Mariah
Spending time with my partner and like, actually, planning like fun stuff for us to do also unpacking the house so that I feel like more at home here will be really helpful. So it really does affect me. Just day to day but yeah, I really want to plan Some like to split all weekend. Other ways? I don’t know, like our lake in Minnesota or cabin in Minnesota or whatever, you know what I mean? Things like that.

Melyssa
So what are some intentions that we can set and I’m thinking intentions on a daily basis like when do you end work? What do you do after work? What are some of the bigger things like weekend trips that you want to do? What are some intentions and you mentioned unpacking the house like you said, intention slash boundaries you want to set around your work and these connection practices?

Mariah
That’s a good question. Boundaries is probably a very important point that I should consider more often and guys, quality time with people I care about.

Melyssa
And you can get specific with it like how often?

Mariah
Okay,

Melyssa
Things you can put in your planner.

Mariah
Okay, let’s do be done working out five every day?

Melyssa
When will you start doing that?

Mariah
Yeah. I mean, ideally, today, but I don’t know we’ll say we’ll say in two weeks. actually know what we’re going to see four. I don’t want her to tell five.

Melyssa
Good. Yeah. Good for you.

Mariah
Forget that

Melyssa
Yeah. Okay, four o’clock. Does it need to be two weeks? Where’s the two weeks coming from? So that’s when I’m like client work will die down a lot more. What about when the other designer takes that big client next week?

Mariah
Yeah, my work.

Melyssa
Or maybe next week is like, six, you end work? Would that be reasonable?

Mariah
Yeah, I mean, it’s not every night I stay up till two but I did twice last week.That was on me. So, but yeah six next week sounds great. And then Five the week after that, and then for the week after that, until forever.

Melyssa
Okay, I like that.

Mariah
Okay, intentions. Get outside every day for at least 10 minutes.

Melyssa
Is 10 minutes enough to soothe your soul?

Mariah
Probably right now because it’s like really, really humid here.

Melyssa
Okay.

Mariah
I just need some sunshine.

Melyssa
You mentioned yoga earlier you said yoga being outside bike rides and walks.

Mariah
Yeah, I could add the active. I don’t know if it’s gonna work look at how I just don’t know that it’s gonna like, I go through phases as to whether or not I enjoy like exercise for the sake of exercise. Like I like it when it’s like this guy says like hiking or something. Otherwise I just get kind of bored. So in theory love that plan, like make that a regular but in practice, I don’t know that I’m going to do it. You know what I mean?

Melyssa
It’s interesting sometimes with things like exercise especially with there’s no goal for someone who learned to get a lot of approval and love from creating, building, being the glue to a lot of people doing something just for you can feel a little bit like, what’s the point? This is boring. Let me get back to the stuff that gives me my identity.

Mariah
Yeah, yeah, well, I also think, I mean, it could be that for sure. Oh, I have a new intention. So hold on. I’ll finish that thought. I just get I was never like an athletic girl. I was like artsy music kids. I was on dance team really good at that, but only because I was dancing to a song not because I was working out for 30 minutes, you know, I mean, I just get bored. I don’t love it. So I like workout classes but that is not something that we can do right now. And the online thing I need the like peer pressure of like I can’t actually leave this class if I’m bored but I can close out of a web site you know what I mean?

Melyssa
So right so you want an accountability buddy to do a yoga class online with or something like that?

Mariah
Yeah, maybe I just don’t know that like if I would care enough.

Melyssa
We’ll chew on that a little bit. Okay.

Mariah
But the other one is the one thing that I’m really excited about for a this new office once it’s like set up and I have real furniture is I want to start painting and drawing them because that’s, that’s actually what I went to school for. I haven’t actually done it since college, really because I haven’t really had space to do it. And in this office is like, twice the size of my old onee, and I don’t have to worry about like getting paint in the carpet or something because it’s not a rental. It’s mine. So I’m going to have hobbies again.

Melyssa
Love that. So when you start painting, when are you going to get your supplies and set it all up?

Mariah
That’s a good question. I need an Ikea run.

Melyssa
This weekend,

Mariah
Maybe? Might be a nice weekend thing. But yeah. So yeah, I would like to just like, do that more often.

Melyssa
Yeah, I love that. So by next week, you can get that set up. And what about unpacking in general? It sounds like that would clear up a lot of mental space.

Mariah
Yeah, I think my biggest problem with it all is we just don’t have very much furniture to fill this house. But I also can’t necessarily like go like get a ton of furniture, right? You know what I mean, it’s going to be like a slow process. So I’m just trying to figure out how to do that in a way that like prioritizes what I need first? Mm hmm. So that’s where we’re at with that. I don’t know. I didn’t probably make it more organized something apparently is for sure.

Melyssa
Well, it sounds like you’ve got some good intentions right now to be done working at four, six this week, but for Pretty soon, getting outside every day for at least 10 minutes, painting and drawing again and getting that set up by next weekend. And incorporating more of a pause into your life, both in the hammock of not using your phone and decompressing when you feel anxious and adopting, journaling and maybe meditating practice again. How does it feel to know that you’ll be supported in all those ways and intentions moving forward?

Mariah
I’m excited because it’s all in things that I want to be doing. I just had this like mental loop that I like don’t have time for it, which I’m the only person making sure that I don’t have that right now.

Melyssa
Right, right.

Mariah
So, I’m excited.

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