Melyssa
You’re listening to the Limitless Life™ podcast. And today I’m sharing in limitless coaching call where I privately coach an online business owner, to help them move through the blocks and thoughts that are keeping them stuck. And the beauty of these calls is that you get to be a fly on the wall as you listen to someone else’s transformation. I have a feeling it might lead to some of your own breakthroughs and insights to that today I’m joined by Kate who already has a thriving business but wants to dive even further into her success. yet she’s noticing some familiar fears that are creeping in that say things like you’re not capable of running a super successful company, you’ll make a mistake and fail. And you’re not good at following through on things and finishing what you’ve started. Can you see how all of those fears blend together to create anxiety and inaction and can you relate to create spheres in your own life? I think you’re really going to enjoy getting to hear from Katie On the ways that her mindsets holding her back, where it comes from, she actually shares an incredible example from her childhood, and some solutions to shift the fear into confidence. And just to make sure that we’re on the same page, I decided to cut out the beginning of our call for you so that you could dive straight in to the juiciest part of our conversation. So you might hear me reference earlier parts of our discussion, but fear not, the entire conversation will make sense even without hearing those first few minutes and get ready to break through my friend because your limitless life could be on the other side of this coaching call. Let’s jump in. I’m Melissa Griffin. And while I was in my 20s, I turned a hobby blog into a multi million dollar company. Now what I’ve discovered after working with thousands of entrepreneurs is that the greatest thing standing in the way of success isn’t another business tactic or marketing strategy. It’s your own mindset. Now I believe that your message For more than just the status quo. So on this show, you’ll feel like you’re sitting down with a friend who’s here to help you transform your fears and roadblocks into a truly limitless version of yourself. It’s time to upgrade your life and business from the inside out. Let’s do this. I’m excited to chat with you keep.

Kate
I’m so excited to be here. Thank you so much for having me.

Melyssa
What do you want to talk about today? What is holding you back that we can investigate a little bit?

Kate
I think confidence is something I’ve struggled with my whole life. So you even asked him that question. It’s like I don’t even know

Melyssa
what that would feel like. little piece of what you said, Yeah, from confidence is something I’ve struggled with my whole life to. Confidence is something that has eluded me for many years and I’m growing ever more confident in myself. Something like that. Mm hmm. Because when we attach to the story of competence is something I’ve struggled with my whole life, then we stay in the story. And we see how the story is something that affected us for maybe many years. And we can acknowledge that and also acknowledge that now we have this awareness of the story and we’re consciously starting to rewire it for something different. Mm hmm.

Kate
That Yes, I like that better. And I, you know, I think for me, like the like you just pointed out, my language even is limiting and negative. And I don’t even realize I’m saying it until you pointed out. It’s like working on acknowledge That and reframing it like you said, but it comes out like that. So unconsciously, that it’s almost hard for me to realize sometimes that I’m doing that. Which is a big reason why I feel like I need this mindset work and being able to shift and like, get out of that negativity is just autopilot for me.

Melyssa
Hey, limitless listener. We’ll get back to the show in just a moment. But I wanted to take 20 seconds to invite you to the free at home digital retreat that I created just for you. It’s called limitless entrepreneur and it’s all about helping you to create an abundant, fearless mindset, all while growing your online business. You want to join just visit limitless entrepreneur retreat.com to register. It’s totally free. That’s limitless entrepreneur. retreat.com. All right friend. Back to the show.

Look at the brilliance that you just gifted yourself. I asked you what would bring you more confidence. And you said, essentially becoming more aware of how I talk and how I speak to myself the words I use my language, and that that might inch you closer to being more and more competent for you awareness to the things that you’re thinking and saying, that is really powerful. And you thought of that.

With your health, of course,

there’s always going to be little breadcrumbs that people and nature and the universe will bring to you, but you’re the one that gets to interpret them how you choose, and your interpretations end up creating your reality. So you’re interpreting new things that are bringing you more and more confidence. Mm hmm.

Kate
Keep it going.

Melyssa
Yeah, God To keep it going, that reminds me of when you were talking about if you had this big successful business tomorrow, and you were saying that the fear is that you wouldn’t be able to keep it going. Mm hmm. There’s almost this sense that I feel inside of you of you might be able to do this thing. But can I really keep it going? I really have what it takes to sustain the thing. Mm hmm. Does that feel true for you?

Kate
Yes, it does. I think up until this point, it’s felt like a lot of work, which I’m not saying shouldn’t be a lot of work. But it’s like, even just digging into like keys or like the mindset stuff and working on that every day and then trying to build this business. Can I keep that going? For an unforeseen amount of time?

Melyssa
And what makes you think you can’t

Kate
think I mean, part of me feels like when I was saying, like I don’t follow through on things when things like, if I hit a rough patch or like a speed bump or something, I tend to just shy away and stop instead of trying to like overcome it or push through it. So I feel like if I hit that, could I keep it going, because my tendency has always been to just hit a stumbling block and back away, like, float back away and just maybe just stop what you’re doing instead of pushing through. So that’s what worries me like, if I got to that point, could I keep going knowing that it probably took me a lot to get to that stage.

Melyssa
What’s interesting is a second ago you said that these thoughts are unconscious and then I had to point it out for you For you to notice it but you very eloquently, just shared something that I think is one of the big things It’s gonna get you through all of this stuff is, you notice that when you hit a speed bump or a roadblock, you stop and you change direction, instead of thinking like, how do I work through this speed bump? Mm, having the awareness of that, that that’s your tendency is actually a really big part of the whole equation. Just knowing that that’s what you do. So a lot of people will do that and have no idea that they’re doing it. Right. I’ll just change directions and just think like, Oh, I’m just this is how I do it. And you have the conscious awareness of I hit the speed bump, and then I changed direction. So I’ve created a story that I don’t follow through on things. And in reality, it sounds like you do follow through, you just hit a speed bump, and then something happens. It happens in that moment. Maybe it might even be like a split second thing. And then you decide that you can’t go through this speed bump. What is happening, or what are you thinking in that moment where you hit the speed bump and you go the opposite direction.

Kate
I feel like I’m repeating myself a lot, but it’s like the whole thing. Like, again, like you, you don’t have what it takes to push through this. Or maybe you’re not equipped with what you need to be able to overcome this, you know, go to back into my childhood, but like, my parents were great, but I don’t feel like they allowed me to make a lot of mistakes or like fail. Like, they just protected me from that not in a bad way, you know, from what I can tell or what I experienced, it wasn’t a bad thing. It was just like this bubble of like protection. I’ve always thought, you know, I haven’t had a lot of experience with like falling and getting back up or hitting an obstacle and trying to overcome it. It’s always been like someone’s helped me or I just never got to that point where I needed to do that, you know, something else came in and like took over So, there’s always been that that kind of, like, Did I not learn the skill set to be able to push through an obstacle, you know, like I want to go.

There it is.

Melyssa
And it’s not a good bad, right or wrong, your parents weren’t bad or wrong for doing that. And they were right or good for doing it either, is neutral that that’s how they parented you. And they had their reasons for doing that. And then it created a certain set of results in your own life that it probably did protect you and keep you safe in a lot of ways, and also probably didn’t teach you what it’s like to fall down and get back up. didn’t give you that experience. It’s like when, like if there’s a fire on the stove, like you turn on the gas, and there’s a fire and you could constantly SWAT away your content and say like, don’t touch the fire. It’s gonna hurt you Touch it. And then the kids standing there this whole life staring at it. Like, I have no idea what that’s like. And I want to touch it. But now I’m terrified of it. So every time I see anything that looks like, I’m going to keep my distance, versus if the kid just went up to the fire and just touched it, and they learned their own lesson, and then thought, oh, okay, well, it wasn’t so bad. I learned it. And I’m not going to do that, again, from my own internal place versus somebody else, telling me what’s right, and what is going to keep me safe. I know that earlier in our call you were talking about how you don’t trust a lot of your own decision making, that you outsource it to other people and to get their validation. Make sure you’re making the right decision. You see how that’s similar to what you learned as a kid? Yeah. Yeah, it’s like other people’s opinions, and decisions keep you safe. Mm hmm. And so it seems like you really have an opportunity to learn to trust yourself.

That’s pretty cool.

Kate
Pretty cool. How do I do it?

Melyssa
How do you do it? What do you

Kate
mean? Just making a decision sticking to it, follow like seeing it through. And if it’s not the right decision, or what I would consider the right decision, or if I fail or something happens, actually, like, walking through that, and learning for myself, how to deal with that, and then hopefully getting back up and doing it again. But that seems so overwhelming and scary to me. So I feel like I know that that’s what probably needs to be done. But I haven’t done it yet.

Melyssa
yet. Yeah. Yeah. It’s like gifting yourself the experience you didn’t have as a kid. Like you see, in retrospect, how powerful it could have been. If you were allowed to go climbing Trees and then fall and then break your arm and realize, okay, maybe I won’t climb that tree again. And just or maybe I’ll climb in, and I’ll do it in a different way. Or maybe it was worth it to break my arm to get to the top of that tree, and I don’t care. I’m gonna do it again. And so you’re seeing how making those choices for yourself now, are essentially just gifting what you didn’t get before.

Kate
I like that way of looking at it.

Melyssa
Example of a recent speed bump that you’ve had and then moved away from

Kate
me, I’m going to use this business because that just the thing I made encountering the most so the end of last year, so I work one on one mainly with clients on like a retainer basis. And it’s pivoted a lot, but I had a larger retainer client where we decided to part ways and when that happened, even though it was mutual, there was still this feeling Like the work that I was doing wasn’t valuable enough. And so I went through a whole period of like, I’m gonna shut my business down and just not do this anymore. Because I don’t know if what I’m doing is valuable. I don’t know if I’m good at it. I don’t like all the same things that we’ve just talked about came up for me. Having said that, I didn’t shut down my business. But there was a lot of reflection and a lot of questions about whether I should keep doing it. So I did, like pivot my business. So I did, like, change what I was doing. I don’t I don’t think I necessarily pushed through, you know, and continued doing the same things that I was doing. There was still a pivot for me there. So I feel like that kind of was me doing what I typically do. But knowing that I couldn’t really, you know, close up shop and stop the business because I didn’t really want to do that I pivoted

Melyssa
something. Was it pivoting into something that felt more aligned for you? Or was it pivoting? Because you were afraid to keep doing the thing you’re doing with that client? That’s different?

Kate
Yeah. It was feeling like more in alignment with what I wanted to be doing for me.

Melyssa
So can I can I hear?

Kate
Yes, please.

Melyssa
So you ran into a speed bump, big speed bump felt like at least, and you had these thoughts of, oh my god, this is a huge speed bump. Maybe I should just shut it all down. And then you didn’t. So you follow through on your commitment to running your business and you even used the information that you got from that experience to pivot your business into a more aligned place.

Kate
I’m seeing powerful business woman, all of that.

cocoa, I can’t see it, you know, like just talking through it right now. It’s like, Oh, yeah, okay. That’s there. But at the time or in the moment, it’s just feels negative, you know, like, I’m not, this isn’t a good thing, you know, or like, I’m not that cheating it. So I have I guess I have a hard time seeing those things like that in the way that you put it. For me. It’s like, Oh, I kind of failed at that. But now I’m going to try this. So we’ll see.

Melyssa
Instead of the way you put it, can I share a reflection to you that when you were growing up, you were trained to not experience negative things, unsafe scary, negative things. You’re kind of in this bubble of like, let’s keep her safe as possible. And so now when you do experience challenges or difficulty or maybe negative emotions, it can feel like that. The earth is shattering because you’re feeling all the negative things that you were trained were unsafe and dangerous when you were a kid. When in reality, feeling those emotions that anger, sadness, fear, frustration, are totally a part of just being a human. They don’t make you wrong. And they don’t mean that you’re doing it incorrectly. It just means that you’re human. I think because of how you were trained. What you observed was right, it made it feel like every time you experienced those emotions, it’s like the earth is falling down. Does that make sense?

Kate
It does. Yeah.

Melyssa
And so what do you think the solution to that might be?

Kate
doing the hard things,

Unknown Speaker
feeling those emotions. Try not to be scared about it. Or knowing that he’ll probably be okay. Other side

Unknown Speaker
isn’t trying not to be scared or is it? noticing when you are scared and just letting that be?

Kate
Yeah. Being aware

that that’s okay, too.

Melyssa
I think there’s one more little ingredient that might help too, which is not judging yourself when you do feel those feelings? Yeah. Because maybe right now it’s like, you get to a speed bump. You get scared, which is normal. And then you judge yourself and think, well, maybe I’m just not cut out for this because the powerful women I’m supporting, probably never feel scared of day in their life. Mm hmm. And it’s just me. Mm hmm. So the fear is translated into I’m scared so I’m not cut out for this. I’m not capable. But maybe it could actually just be I’m scared period. That’s it. Yes. I don’t have to apply an interpretation or judgment of myself in it.

Kate
Yeah. I’m very hard on myself. So that’s bang on. Like, that’s exactly how I would do that. It’s, you know, judging myself for feeling those things, instead of just saying, like, you’re feeling it. That’s okay. Let’s move on. But I’m hard. I’m really hard on myself.

Melyssa
If Ella were working on a project that she was really excited about. And she just started to feel just really excited about it. And then all of a sudden started to feel like, this is not good enough to do this, mom. I can’t do it. I don’t have what it takes. I’m not good enough. I’m scared. I’m really freakin scared. What would you say Allah

Kate
told her this week? Because we’re homeschooling now. And it’s sad to me because I do see her kind of mimicking those things. You know, even just going into like doing her schoolwork. It’s like, I don’t know what I’m doing. I can’t, I can’t do this. And so I recognize that but my immediate thing is like Of course, you can do it like, look at what you just did. You know, telling her like, oh, you’re capable, like you are so capable doing this. You’ve done it before. And then she’ll do it. And I tell her at the end look like that wasn’t so hard. You did it. And it’s right.

Melyssa
I really like them. What you said is, you tell her when she’s up against a speed bump, look at what you just did. And you’ve done it before. So you know, you can do it. Or if you apply that same way of thinking about the speed bumps to yourself,

Kate
I want to I think it’s catching myself in that moment and trying to flip the script on that to tell me that before it like spirals into to the other side,

Melyssa
who How would you know that you’re in a pre spiral moments?

Kate
Think I know like, I really do think that I’m aware of when it’s happening. So I don’t know if like I choose to just go down that other path, because that’s the easier route for me because that’s what I’ve always done.

familiar, maybe, yeah, you know,

so I feel like I am aware when it’s happening, but it’s not choosing to look at it from the other direction. It’s like always just going that familiar, comfortable path that I’ve always taken.

Melyssa
One of my previous mentors has quote that I love, she says, There’s no failure, only feedback. So whenever we make a mistake, or we think we’re doing it wrong, or we think we failed at something, it’s actually there’s literally no possible failure in the world. A only our interpretation of what’s a failure, and B, it’s just feedback, because if it doesn’t work out the first time, then we can just iterate on it and do it differently the next time. Mm hmm. And you didn’t really get that chance. Growing up to fail and to see the feedback of it. No, it’s kind of just, I’m not going to fail. And so I’m not going to get feedback. And so I’m going to stay in this little square. Where safe. Mm hmm. And do you see the value now of failing, essentially?

Kate
Absolutely. Yeah. How are you going to learn? You know, like, how are you going to learn what what to do differently next time or what needs to change or, you know, treating it as an experiment? Hmm, instead of a pyramid I’m instead of Yeah, just not even knowing or having that opportunity to do things differently. Okay.

Melyssa
And if you look at it that way, what might become possible for you?

That isn’t right now so much.

Kate
Thank you link. You know, just again, like on business but like achieving those goals. I want it for the business would feel more possible. Instead of this like, daunting thing, to me seems like everything would change. You kind of just let yourself quote fail, make a mistake, get it wrong.

Melyssa
And then iterate and get it right, at least according to your interpretation. Yeah. Which is interesting, because we started this call talking about how making a mistake and getting it wrong would be like the worst. Yeah. True. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker
Actually wanting that. Stepping into that. Yeah. It’s almost all you in it. Mm hmm. See, it’s almost exciting, you know, to think of it like that, to have that chance. Still that element of fear for me, but trying to see it as an experiment and opportunity to try different things.

Kate
See how they go and decide after?

Unknown Speaker
Instead of deciding before, you know that something might not work, or that’s not the right thing? How do I know how to really know? until you do it and you try it and then decide,

Kate
right?

Melyssa
You said there still might be fear. Is that a bad thing? If there’s still fear?

Kate
No, I think it’s just overcoming that fear to give myself that chance to fail. You know, I think there’s that little hurdle that would have to, you know, I’d have to overcome that to even get to that point of the experiment or the failure or the the chance. So I don’t know if it’s, again, me being scared to like not even know how to do that. Or just being scared of falling.

Melyssa
What is interesting is it’s almost like and I think a lot of people think this way about fear as it’s something to overcome. But I actually think fear is like your copilot for life. So instead of thinking about it of it as something to overcome, what if you thought about it as something that you get to partner with? That it can become your friend that you could actually acknowledge that it’s there like a friend instead of like, damn it? The fears back doing it wrong if I’m afraid. Darn. Instead of that, it’s like, oh, the fears here again, cool. Hey, good to see you. What are you here to tell me? Right? What are you here to share with me that I get to hear from you and then you can just acknowledge it, see it as your like, co pilot next to you in the car. And then just, that’s it and doesn’t have to be something to overcome because that feels really heavy. Who have to overcome that? You’re ready to conquer it. Right feels heavy. And it’s not something that’s going away. I guarantee that the people who are running the biggest companies in the world still feel fear when 100% because it’s an innate part of being human. So it’s not something to go away or it would be really hard to just overcome it completely. Somebody just befriending it and, and giving it a voice, but not the whole voice. Mm hmm. Does that make sense? Mm hmm.

Kate
Absolutely.

Melyssa
So what might you do when next time you you’ve got a speed bump? And then you feel this tremendous fear? What might you do differently next time to integrate the fear instead of push it away.

Kate
I mean, starting with acknowledging it, and it’s there and it’s okay. And to like, you know, maybe give myself that brief opportunity to like feel it. You know, that it’s there. But I think I love what you said about not feeling like I have to overcome it, you know, or it’s not something that I need to like tackle and accomplish. And instead just like treating it as like, Okay, I’m feeling this, this is okay. And then trying to move forward anyways.

Melyssa
Yeah. And I would say to that, however long you feel it is right? It doesn’t have to be brief doesn’t have to be like a 10 Minute. All right, fill in the fear. let it ride through me for 10 minutes. It can be days, it can be longer. And that’s absolutely perfect to and I think the more that you feel, the scary feelings that you were taught to avoid, the more that they will actually start to pass through you and won’t hold there and like accumulate compound interest on the fear, you won’t have that experience anymore. We have to feel it and like the depth more weight of it. And I think that it’ll get easier and easier as you feel fear in the future. Maybe the first time it takes like a week and you’re just really feeling the fear or you’re journaling or meditating on it, you’re really just feeling it. And then the next time you have a speed bump, maybe it’s like four days, and then eventually, maybe it’s a few minutes, and you’re just like, Okay, I got this. Mm hmm. I think it’s really acknowledging the depth that it wants you to feel. Mm hmm.

Kate
Yeah, and I like that, too, that there’s no set rules or like, yeah, limit or timeframe on it. Because, again, with me, it’s like following the rules and like doing things, right. So like, if you hadn’t have just said that I probably would have felt, oh, you’re feeling this too long, you know, or something like you shouldn’t be doing that. So I think accepting that it’s okay to embrace it or feel it as long as you need to is fine. And there’s no like, right? Wrong way to do that will be huge. And I think that will probably play into a lot of different aspects of this is like there’s no right way or no wrong way. Yes, you know, I think that’s been a big thing too, where it’s like, there’s a right way or wrong way. If you don’t pick the right way you’re wrong. Like, being able to know that, like, there’s not necessarily set rules on how to do these things, or achieve what I want to achieve. Right. That’s huge.

Melyssa
Yeah, I really love that. Especially thinking about there’s no right and there’s no wrong there. Mm hmm. There is whatever it is. And that’s it. There’s no right or wrong, right or wrong is a projection and an interpretation. And it’s different for every person. So it’s not a truth. It’s just a perspective. Yeah. So you get to decide what feels good to you.

Kate
So what I love about entrepreneurship and having that be an opportunity to do things the way that I feel is the right way to do it. Hmm.

Melyssa
And it sounds like not judging yourself if the right way for you is different from what you perceive the right way for other people. Yeah.

Kate
That would be a big one.

Melyssa
It sounds like you are on your way.

Kate
I think so. Definitely. I got

Melyssa
a lot of really wise perspectives inside of you that you’ve shared throughout this call. I’ve seen them. I’m sure that other people who are listening to so

Kate
now listen back.

Melyssa
Yeah, I think you’ll be impressed. I hope so.

Kate
need to do to like shed some light on that for me to be able to realize that about myself. So when I do listen back, on the interview, and the coaching, I can hopefully see it For myself, if you think you will,

Melyssa
you just listen to the limitless life podcast Now don’t worry with new episodes every week, there’s plenty more where that came from. Now make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss the next one and visit the limitless life podcast.com for the latest. Now, I’ve also created a free five day at home digital retreat that will show you how to create an abundant, fearless mindset. All while growing your online business. Just visit limitless entrepreneur retreat.com to register, it’s totally free. And also if you want to spread the love You’re welcome to share this episode on Instagram so that other people can come and get this info to now tag me at Melissa underscore Griffin and limitless life podcast so that I can give you a big ol virtual hug as a thank you. Alright, that’s all for now. Thank you so much for listening. This is Melyssa Griffin and I’ll see Next time