Coaching Episode: How to Reconnect to Your Business and Yourself as a New Mom (Episode 63)

Melyssa Griffin

24 min

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I’m a former high school teacher turned entrepreneur who loves few things more than a good hug, hopping on a flight to anywhere, and teaching people like you how to live an abundant and limitless life.

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Have you ever found yourself having a hard time finishing things because you feel like you’re always starting over with something new? 

I find a lot of entrepreneurs have a multitude of ideas that they want to create in their businesses before they come fully to fruition.

There could be a number of reasons for this; but most often I see that our own self-doubt, our need to control how everything looks, and fear of doing it differently than everyone else is doing are the things that are holding us back. 

In today’s #LimitlessCoaching Call, I’m talking with Lauren, an incredibly free spirit who picked up her entire life and moved to Brazil based on a spiritual experience she had when traveling. Lauren had the courage to leave it all behind, ending a marriage, leaving her job and everything she knew, to start over in a place that felt right for her. About a year ago, Lauren had a baby, and motherhood (as it does!) significantly shifted the way she operated in her day to day life. 

Now Lauren finds she holds herself back from those nudges and signs she once trusted so freely. She has started witnessing how it keeps her from showing up and reaching her full potential in her business. 

If you’ve ever felt like you start things you just don’t seem to finish due to a fear of what others might think, because doing something new would feel like it’s out of your control, or because it looks entirely different than how everyone else is doing it- this episode is for you! 

It’s all about learning to get back in touch with what’s right for YOU, so you can feel truly Limitless in all of the possibilities. 

Let’s get started!

Listen to the episode below:

This episode discusses topics like…

  • Experiencing feelings of not being good enough, struggling with comparison and acceptance 
  • Working through why Lauren feels unsupported and what she can do to change that
  • The moment things changed for Lauren and how she opened herself up spiritually while in Brazil 
  • The misconception and illusion of control
  • What comparison is really about 

By the way, I created an entirely free, 5-day at-home digital retreat called Limitless Entrepreneur. It’s all about creating a new income stream in less than a week, as well as reprogramming the beliefs that are keeping you from a no-limits business and life. Click the image below to sign up, it’s free!
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Did this episode help you expand what’s possible for your life or business? Do you think your social media followers may learn something, too? I’d be forever grateful if you shared it on social media. 🙂 If you do, tag @melyssa_griffin and @limitlesslifepodcast so I can repost you! Woohoo!

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Where do you find yourself holding back because of comparisonitis? How do you allow the opinions of other people to play a role in the way you show up in your business?

Thank you SO much for being here, sweet friend. I’m honored to walk this journey with you. See you in the next episode!

xoxo
Melyssa

Read the Episode Transcript Here

Melyssa
So where do we want to start, Lauren? What do we want to work on today?

Lauren
The main challenge I see myself having in my business, I feel like because I feel like I’m constantly starting over, I start something. And I don’t know if it’s a drive for perfection. Or if I just get, like new ideas, or I don’t really know where it’s coming from, but I have a hard time finishing things. Because I’m always starting over kind of jumping from one thing to the next. I have all of these ideas, I start them, maybe it’s just a matter that it gets a little hard. And so I kind of shift gears, but that’s the pattern that I see. And that’s why I think that for you know, a few years now I feel like I haven’t made the progress that I want it to make. And then I feel like I can make because I’m stuck like I met this ceiling but I can’t break through Because I can’t move forward.

Melyssa
Mm hmm. That makes complete sense. And what is that thing that you are ultimately working towards that you feel like you haven’t reached yet?

Lauren
I guess I just feel like my business should be at a place where I am consistent consistently doing it. Like, like, it’s my full time job. Like, like, I’m out there, like I have a community, I guess maybe at the root of it is I’m comparing myself to the other people in the same category as me. And I see myself if I get on social media, and I start scrolling. It’s so inspiring on the one hand, but on the other hand, I also lose a little bit of my drive because I think wow, like, they you know, this is amazing. I’m not good enough. I feel like I can’t measure up to you know, what’s working Already, even though I know that what I bring to the table is different. And that’s the beauty of it is everyone has a different perspective. Even you know, if you’re in the same arena, and you’re talking about the same thing, everyone brings a different perspective to it. And I know that, and I know that the perspective I bring is different than any that I’ve seen. But I feel like it’s just not good enough. So I think that’s where I stall.

Melyssa
Mm hmm. There was something that you said in there, you said, I feel like my business should be my full time job. And that struck me because you use the word should, whenever I hear the word should I think, is that something that you actually want? Or is that something that you think you should do? Because you’re comparing yourself and thinking, well, this is what I have to do, because whatever else does, so when you think about this being your full time business? What comes up for you?

Lauren
I think what comes up is that that’s a dream. That that’s not something that is possible to actually happen. I don’t know anybody who, you know, firsthand people close to me who have made that happen who are living their dream. On the one hand, my day job I love and that’s a very fundamental part of my business. I get inspiration, I get ideas, I get in touch with who I’m serving in my business. But I think I feel like if it, the possibility of it growing and being this huge thing that I dream of it being is just that it’s a dream, and that it’s not, you know, something that can really happen.

Melyssa
It’s interesting, and you didn’t say, I don’t know anyone who runs her own business. He said, I don’t know anyone who is basically following their dream. Does that count for everyone? You know, who’s in a, like, 95 type job as well. Like, you don’t know anyone who loves what they do.

Lauren
I mean, honestly, when I think about it. I mean, it would probably be a handful of people. I feel like in the line of work that I do with being a teacher, other teachers don’t do this job unless they love it. So I know that the people I work alongside have a passion, they love their job. But when I think of business owners, people who have their own business, I mean, there’s only one that I know, who, you know, is passionate about this work and made it their, their life. But other than that, I mean, I don’t know anybody in that,

Melyssa
in that role. Mm hmm. And it can be hard, right? When we don’t know anyone who’s doing the thing that we care about? Because I mean, yes, examples are. Yeah, it’s kind of like the moment the five people that you spend the most time with are who are your the conglomerate of them?

Lauren
Yeah. What are you making, especially in this setting, I think when it comes to online business, and this whole virtual working, I don’t know anybody. Who has ever made this work? You know, the one example that I can think of, of a person who owns their business and loves what they do. I mean, it’s not a job of working on your own time, it’s still a matter of going in having, you know, like a brick and mortar place and putting in the time putting in that, you know, just like the more physical aspect of a business, if that makes sense. I don’t know anyone who is doing this in the way that I’m trying to do it. I haven’t seen it done firsthand.

Melyssa
Hmm. That’s really interesting. Because what strikes me about you is that you seem like a trailblazer. You moved to Brazil, on a whim, you decided to have a baby in another country that you’ve been raising, and you’re a teacher and you have this business, even though you don’t have examples of other people who are doing it. So what’s stopping you right now from not moving forward, if that is something that you’ve always had with You

Lauren
mean, I think it goes back to just kind of doubting myself maybe and whether or not it’s possible for me to do to make it happen.

Melyssa
Mm hmm. And why would you doubt yourself?

Lauren
I don’t know why I mean, I think it’s just goes back to comparing myself to others. And that’s where that doubt comes in. Just kind of the thought of not being good enough in comparison to others.

Melyssa
What does that mean being good enough? How would you know that you’ve become good enough?

Lauren
Maybe it’s acceptance from others, like a social acceptance, like validation of what you’re doing? Maybe a little bit of fear of what people think about what I’m doing. And maybe they just I don’t know who they are, but they don’t think you know, it’s good enough. Maybe they think it’s just like a joke. They just don’t know. Kind of where my mind goes, though.

Melyssa
Mm hmm. Who Are You Afraid would think that what you’re doing is a joke?

Lauren
I don’t know, to be honest, not a whole lot of people who I’m close to really know what I do. Even down to my parents, they don’t. And maybe that’s where it starts. I mean, they don’t ask and I don’t. I mean, they know kind of the things I’ve been interested in and, you know, the different things I’ve tried and projects I’ve done, but I don’t think that they really understand, besides, my partner would be the only person that kind of knows where my passion is and what I’m trying to do. But Funny enough, I wouldn’t say that anybody else really understands that. And maybe that’s because I’ve been too quiet. kind of scared to put it out there and voice it.

Melyssa
That’s so fascinating because then it’s like you Feel unsupported or you feel like people don’t really get your dream. But then you’re also not telling them what the dream is or telling them what you’re working on. So it kind of creates this cycle of staying stagnant and feeling like pts

Lauren
poor, you. stagnant is a good word. That’s a good word to describe how I feel.

Melyssa
Yeah. So what would help you become unstuck?

Lauren
Probably just letting go of this fear that I have, whether it’s just a fear of rejection, a fear of not being perfect, whatever it may be, and just putting what I have out there and kind of unapologetically doing what I do. And yeah, and not do it for the opinions of others, but do it for what it serves. That makes sense. Let me

Melyssa
I mean it sounds nice. And the question is, how do you do that? That sounds like a Yeah. meal to do. I’m curious, actually about your whole move to Brazil, because where did you grow up? Kentucky? So you were from Kentucky? Yeah. And then you went to Brazil on spring break? Is that right? Yes. And fell in love. How old were you when you decided to move there?

Lauren
26/27.

Melyssa
Okay, so just on a whim, you decided I want to go to Brazil Tell me about like, because for most people, they would think I would never do that. I could never do that. And so where did you get the courage to do that? And why was it so important to you?

Lauren
Well, I can say that the process that led to that started about a year before it actually happened. I went to Morocco. And at the time, I was married. I had a dream job. I mean, it was a job that I’d always wanted. I graduated college, I was finishing my master’s kind of going through the supposed to life. Next step, I had a house. The next step is babies. And you know, following that path, I went to Morocco. And I can’t explain what happened there. The closest thing I can say is, it was a spiritual awakening that happened. I mean, I can pinpoint it down to the moment, the place that I just felt different. And at the time, I couldn’t put it into words, but from that moment on, nothing just felt right anymore. So over the process of the year, it was the year of a lot of change a lot of things moving around. I didn’t know what to do next. I didn’t know where to go with this what to do. So basically, it was a friend of mine who suggested Hey, do you want to go to Brazil because I said, we have to go somewhere. It’s spring break. I just have to get out. I have to go do something. I had never had that on my radar. Never cared to go. But I went and then I just something clicked and it was just meant to be it was a huge thing. leap of faith. But I feel like it’s those leaps of faith that I’ve taken in my life that have led to the biggest rewards. And I know that that’s what that is with my business. It’s a leap of faith that I have to take. It’s just a matter of doing it, and I know it will pay off. It’s just doing it, making it work.

Melyssa
Right, right. That’s so interesting. And you said it’s those leaps of faith in my life that have led to the biggest rewards. So you went to Morocco, you had this moment that shifted something and it sounds like it really brought you a lot of clarity. And then you went to Brazil on this trip with your friend. And you also had this intuitive feeling that you had previously in Morocco. And it costs you to make a lot of changes, you got a divorce, you moved, you quit your job. Did all these things that were like, pretty much everything in your life that could change did yeah. And you chose that and I know from what you wrote earlier, before our calls That you felt like it was meant to be. And you’re really glad that you made all those decisions. So what happened in those moments that caused you to find the confidence to make all of these major shifts in your life?

Lauren
For me, I think it was, I put a lot of faith in, I was kind of exploring my spiritual side, to be honest. And I put a lot of faith into my spirituality. And I was relying a lot on faith. And I even wrote about it during the time that I was going through all of this, and just kind of a solid core belief that it would work out because it just felt like the right thing to do. And then sure enough, it did. I mean, just kind of being conscious of the signs and the things happening around me. And that was validation that I was on the right path.

Melyssa
And how has that spiritual side of you played out in the past Year, do you feel good to it?

Lauren
No, I don’t. It’s been almost a year now since I became a mother. And I have found it really challenging to balance being a mother with my day job with, you know, trying to grow this business that I have. And then on top of that, I have this deep desire to, you know, get back in my habits, my spiritual habits, because I know how they worked for me in the past, and I know how they made me feel, but they’ve kind of gone to the wayside because of other priorities I put above them. So I definitely think that that plays a part in the stagnation that I feel.

Melyssa
Hmm. Can I reflect something back to you?

Lauren
Sure.

Melyssa
What I’m hearing from you is that previously when you made some really major life decisions, you were consistent with your spiritual practices. And that allowed you to feel grounded. And you felt like you had something you could rely on even in the midst of so much change, which gave you this amazing confidence to get a divorce, move to another country, get a new job, have a baby, all of these things, so many things really. And then now, that’s the pretty much the one thing that has fallen by the wayside, you have all of the other things that you originally started with, you still have the business, you still have your job. You’re still living in Brazil, but the spiritual practices aren’t there anymore, when they were the foundation of everything else that you’ve had done previously. So do you think it’s possible that if you brought those back, and you made that a priority, even at the expense of maybe some of the other things that you’re doing, whether it’s your business or maybe having someone take care of Bentley, your son or An hour a day or something like that. Do you think it’s possible that if you spent that time connecting with your spirituality again, that it might actually mend all of these other places in your life?

Lauren
Absolutely. I mean, especially when you put it that way, and you say it just so straightforward. It makes complete sense that that is the piece that’s kind of missing, like you said. And I think I’ve known that deep down. I think that’s why it keeps coming up. And I’ve thought a lot about it, especially in the days leading up to today. It’s it’s just been there in my mind. And then just hearing it now really, almost like something just clicks and it makes sense. It’s very apparent now.

Melyssa
Mm hmm. Right, and it makes sense. Do you think you’ll do it? And if not, what do you think will stop you?

Lauren
I have every intention of doing it. I want to say yes, I think I will. I think The only thing that would stop me is making the time to do it and you know, having an excuse because like I said, I’m, I’m a new mother and sleep is important to me. And I find that the best time for practicing my spirituality is in the morning, very first thing, that’s when I found it to be most refreshing and I don’t know, impactful for me. And I feel like there’s definitely the chance that, you know, I’m up at night, taking care of my son, you know, if he wakes up and then I make the excuse in the morning, I’m tired, you know, or maybe he’s gonna wake up when I’m in the middle of this and then you know, just excuses. I hope that does not happen. But in reality, if it doesn’t, then this is the reason why it would.

Melyssa
What are some fail safes that you can put in place if that does happen if he does wake up when you’re in the middle of your practices? Is there someone you can lean on for support or something like

Lauren
Yeah, definitely. I mean, I do have my partner here, and he does a great job. I know that I could call on him, I definitely think I have a little bit of a control issue. So I think that that’s something I probably need to, to work on. And just letting him have more control. And also, I think just scheduling it, and really adhering to a schedule. I think that’s something it’s very much my personality to have schedules and be successful with them. And that’s another thing that I’ve kind of let go. So I feel like if I got back in the habit of that I would be more likely to stick to it and in reality, 2030 minutes to do this, you know, it’s not asking a lot even if he did wake up. Chances are, you know, a little bit of a practice is better than zero.

Melyssa
And is it possible that maybe he does wake up in the mornings and maybe You end up having to do your practices and afternoon or at night? Could that still work? Maybe it would be less effective than it would in the morning, but you’d still be getting some time to do them.

Lauren
Absolutely. And I think it’s probably bad for me to say that, that I don’t know if it says effective, because it’s not something that I normally do. So it might even be worth trying. And just seeing how it works after he goes to bed. Because who knows?

Melyssa
Oh, rate points. So true that oftentimes we’ll kind of write something off as an option if we haven’t tried it, but then we’re like, oh, wait, I haven’t tried it. Maybe Maybe it would be okay. We

Lauren
Exactly

Melyssa
That’s brilliant. I love that. So you mentioned that you have this feeling of control over taking care of your son and maybe letting your partner have a little bit more control so that you can have more space. Tell me more about that.

Lauren
My partner is Brazilian

It’s very much culture here for the woman to have more of a control over taking care of the children. And that’s something that I think I’ve come to adjust to it was a big adjustment in the beginning because that’s very different from where I come from. And you know what I’ve seen my whole life. But now I recognize that a lot of things I just prefer to do on my own because I think for a year now, I’ve been doing it. And even though my partner has also grown, and you know, he’s stepping up a lot more and he’s feeling more comfortable in that role. I still see myself taking over and you know, kind of exerting which that goes back to my personality of just feeling like I need to have control. That’s definitely part of my personality.

Melyssa
Hmm. If you didn’t have control, what feeling would that create within you?

Lauren
anxiety comes to mind, definitely anxiety. And I try to be aware, because when you’re a mother, you learn really fast that you don’t have control of a lot of things. There’s a lot of things that you would like to have control over, for example, his schedule. And you know, when he goes off the schedule, it’s a very natural thing, but I can see in myself where I feel very anxious, and I feel like I need to, you know, get everything back under control again, and get back on the schedule. Otherwise, it just feels crazy for me.

Melyssa
Yeah, I can appreciate that. What are some things that you have control over in your life?

Lauren
It’s a good question. I mean, I never really thought about that. I mean, I feel like I have control over what I do. I choose to do what I do as far as my job. something I’m passionate about. It’s not something that I’m just doing because I need to make money. It’s something I chose. I mean, that’s a good question kind of stumps me. I mean, I feel like I have control over pretty much any aspect of my life that a person would have you know, where I’m living what I’m doing stumps me a little

Melyssa
Wow that makes sense where you’re living what you’re doing your job,

Lauren
my business. I mean, I’m definitely would am the one in control of that,

Melyssa
huh? Yeah, are you but when in control of your business let’s say that something happens to the platform that you sell your products or services on would you mean control of your business then if that platform is shut down

Lauren
immediately No, from no from the get go now everything that that I make available would not be available. So

Melyssa
No. What about you said where I’m living? What if Brazil were in quarantine right now? So what if they said, if you’re not a Brazilian citizen, you need to go back to your country? Would you have control over that?

Lauren
No. And that’s a fear. Definitely. So I guess, in my mind, I think I choose to live here. But in reality, I’m not a citizen. So I’m really not in control of that. Even down to, you know, having visas and all of those legalities of citizenship. I’m not in control of that. So that gives me anxiety when I start going down that road.

Melyssa
Yeah, yeah. Make it a point. But what about your son? You said when he changes his schedule, and he’s probably growing a lot as an 11. I’m sure. Do you feel like you have any control over that and his schedule? His day looks like

Lauren
you know, I think Try to to as much as I can. But I realized that when it comes down to it, I don’t. I feel like I’m constantly trying to get that control, tweaking things and researching and trying to put all the pieces together. But in reality, I don’t have the control that I wish I did over that. Mm hmm.

Melyssa
For sure. And because here’s the thing is that the only thing you have control over in your entire life is how you feel and what you think. That’s it. You might have the illusion of control over where you live, who your partner is, what your child’s schedule is, what your business looks like. But all of those things can be taken away. They could all be taken away at any moment. And so we don’t actually have real control over anything except for ourselves, reactions, our feelings, our thoughts. This illusion have control can create, like you said, a lot of anxiety of what if it is taken away? What if I do have to move? I mean, I doubt that would happen. But what if it did? Or what if the platform for your products didn’t go under and you didn’t have that you had to scramble and find something new like could happen. So it’s less about letting me cling to things and like, have my death grip on them so they don’t change and more of how can I get right within myself and let go of the illusion of control? Because then you open yourself up to more free flowing confidence throughout your day instead of that anxious, stagnant feeling.

Lauren
Yes, I really like how you put it how you said illusion of control, because that’s absolutely what it is. And I think that that illusion of having control is what’s keeping me confined and like I described this ceiling that I can’t break through because it’s this high. hypothetical box that I’ve put myself in, because I’m trying to control so much and have everything just so instead of having more of the free flow, just letting things be as they are, and, and happen, it just it’s two very different feelings that I can discern as you describe that.

Melyssa
You’ve mentioned the word box too. And I think that’s so interesting because sometimes we think that like society’s putting us in this box of who we have to be and then oftentimes we’ll realize it’s ourselves and we’re like we’re putting ourselves into the box of what we have to be and do and show up as

Lauren
absolutely and it goes back to what you said in the beginning where I said my business should be this way it’s that term should and how things are supposed to be because it goes back to that box that I guess I put myself in of how things i thought you know, should look

Melyssa
so let me box discredited Box you’ve put yourself in.

Lauren
Oh, gosh, I good question. I just feels very constraining, I think,

Melyssa
who does Lauren have to be?

Lauren
It almost feels very fake, for lack of a better word, like you’re putting up a front of what you think people expect you to be. And kind of limits the creativity that’s there. If that makes any sense. Yeah, being inside the box, so to speak. You’re kind of afraid to go with the creativity that comes to you. And I see myself doing that I see myself probably looking too much at what other people are doing and thinking that I should be doing things similar, that I should be creating things similar when in reality What’s inside of me and what I have to give is going to be very different from what anyone else has. So I think I need to separate from looking too much at what other people are doing and follow my own creativity. And kind of let go of what I think that should look like.

Melyssa
Yeah, I think that’s brilliant. Because just going back to the example of you moving to Brazil, if you looked around at what everyone else in your life was doing, more people moving to different countries,

Lauren
no, not at all.

Melyssa
But you just had this intuitive feeling that this is what my path is meant to be right now. And you did it without having an example of anyone else to pave the way and so when we’re always looking around to see what other people are doing, we’re often looking at the boxes that other people have chosen to put themselves inside, and then we decide to live inside the same box. Because we think we have to live in that box because they are not the people who don’t move abroad or living in a box necessarily. But a lot of the times we’ll look at people’s choices and think, well, maybe I should do that when really, they’re doing the same exact thing. And we’re all living in this sort of limited perspective. And so you got out of the box in terms of where you live and what you do. And now you’re like looking around again and thinking, well, how can I fit into this box that I need to be part of, when you still have the evidence? You’ve made those very unique decisions in the past and they worked out so well. And just thinking about what decisions now might you be depriving yourself of by looking at what everyone else is doing? What brilliance of yours might you be neglecting? Because you think your life has to be a certain way, instead of allowing the creative whatever comes out intuitive ideas that are living inside of you

Lauren
Very true. I feel like I just needed that reminder that stepping outside the box worked for me in the past. And I think I’ve forgotten that I kind of forgotten what it felt like to take those leaps and to feel so true after them. So, I would like to go back to that.

Melyssa
Yeah. And it makes sense that you would have forgotten because part of what got you to that place of remembering and living in alignment with your truth was those spiritual practices that it sounds like really connected you to your soul? Mm hmm. Without those, there’s not as much of that self connection and also being a mom. I’ve seen a lot of people who put so much into being a mom, which is so beautiful and such a valiant thing to do, but not at the expense of you and your connection to yourself first.

Lauren
Absolutely.

Melyssa
I’m sure Bentley wants his mama to be a full fledged human.

Lauren
Absolutely. And I think when you become a mother, your dynamics totally change. I think it’s it’s almost been a process of me figuring out who I am with this new part of me this new dynamic to me, and how do I get back to that person that I had found before when I made those leaps. And I had realized that truer version of myself it’s kind of gotten lost in this process. And I think it’s a matter of getting back to that for sure.

Melyssa
Hmm, that’s so beautifully said. Yeah. And I think we have a lot of those moments throughout our life, motherhood or it could be starting a new career or retirement or just a lot of things that could happen. And we can go through those kind of installations where we feel like we’re losing a part of ourselves or losing that clarity or that true core of ourselves. And it’s really just what got me back to myself in the first place. And how can I bring that back? Yeah, absolutely. And what about the comparison, I know that that was something that we were talking A little bit about it seemed like it was coming up for you a lot more about that.

Lauren
Well, I, I just feel like and maybe this is a pattern that I’ve had throughout my life comparing myself and having those feelings of not being good enough. And maybe I just realized that more so now when it comes to my business, because I think I see what other people are doing and I don’t know how to explain that. I guess I just want to be where they are, so to speak and be able to give what I have in the way that they are giving what they have and have, you know, the type of response where they’re being heard. I don’t know on the one hand, I mean, when I think about comparing, I think a lot of like feeling inspired on the one hand, getting a lot of inspiration, but then the the flip coin of that is feeling like comparing myself and judging myself against that. So it’s like it can be really good to feel inspired and see all of that. But on the other side, it’s not feeling good enough. Mm hmm.

Melyssa
That makes sense. Right? Right. And it’s kind of interesting because there’s, I think there’s a difference between internal inspiration and external inspiration. They both serve their purpose. But it’s when one of them becomes kind of out of whack. When it’s much more than the other, then we start to feel like we’re lacking clarity. Like if we’re only going for internal inspiration, which I think of is more of intuition of looking within yourself doing those spiritual practices, journaling, all of those things to figure out what’s really inside you. And then the external inspiration, which is exactly what you’re describing looking around your industry or nature or conversations with friends and getting inspiration that way. But a lot of us will kind of neglect the internal side. And then we’ll go straight into getting external input.

Lauren
Yeah, I would agree. And the word that comes to mind when you put it that way, internal external, is that this external inspiration is more stifling me, then, you know, serving as a source of inspiration. I mean, I guess I thought it was, but in reality, it’s more stifling than anything.

Melyssa
I find that that’s 100% the case when we’re focusing solely on that, and I think even external inspiration, it starts to lose its purpose pretty quickly. I usually tell people like, take a glance at what other people in your industry are doing, get some inspiration, see what projects they’re working on how they’re showing up, and then just stop, stop looking at them, stop following them. You don’t need to constantly be getting input because it’s not a very natural way of creating to always be getting input from other people. But what a lot of us will do is we’ll keep following them we’ll go to the their webinars or events or courses and, and we’ll get a lot of inspiration basically every day from all these people and then just like inspiration sitting in your head that turns into comparison and, and confusion and feeling like you’re behind different things, when in reality, you’re not behind, you’re just exactly where you are. There’s no like, what does it even mean to be behind or ahead? Just, you’re where you are. It’s just another kind of form of illusion control. But yeah, so I think a lot of the time when we feel that input, it means that we more internal connection and lessening that external side.

Lauren
Yeah, that makes sense. 100%

Melyssa
something that you’ve said about the people who you’re you’re looking to for the inspiration that you’re comparing yourself to you said they’re being heard. Sort of a point why it’s sexy what they’re doing, they’re being heard by people. Why is that speak to you?

Lauren
I guess because maybe it’s the acceptance factor, like what they’re putting out is being accepted. And it’s resonating with people. And people don’t really like the term that they’re buying into it. And maybe it’s just the fear from myself, that what I put out, will be rejected and will not be heard. And, and I think that’s why I’ve limited myself quite a bit, which I’ve already said, I’ve kind of limited, you know, telling people that are close to me, but I’ve also limit myself, even on social media trying to grow and build that community. Because I think I’m afraid of it not working and then just kind of being left like okay, nobody’s even paying attention and not you know, getting What I have out there in a way that resonates?

Melyssa
Maybe? Yeah, make sense. It seems like a big fear of putting something out there and then people not liking it or rejecting it

or not accepting you for it. If think about that, is it more so the people who follow you the fear of them saying like, Okay, this isn’t really what I needed, thanks for nothing. Or is it like your mom or your dad stumbling across your Instagram and thinking, What is she doing? Why is she doing this? That’s a

Lauren
good question. Maybe a little of both. I just take what I do so seriously, maybe too seriously that I’m thinking too much. I’m overthinking things instead of just putting out what I have and it being what it is. And you know, if people want it great if it helps them great. If it doesn’t, okay, you know, you can’t meet the expectations of everybody. But I think in my Mind, that’s what I try to do. I just try to meet the expectations of everybody. Whether that’s people I know or people that are, you know, that I’m I’m trying to help and what’s not realistic, that’s not possible to meet the needs and expectations of every person that will stumble across my business. Right.

Melyssa
And it’s almost when you do that creates this sort of watered down version of yourself too.

Lauren
Yeah, absolutely.

Melyssa
What would it look like for you to put yourself out there, knowing that not everyone may accept that version of you?

Lauren
Well, I think that would be taking another leap. Another one of those big leaps, and just maybe disconnecting from the outcome and just staying true to what I am putting out and trying to be pure in that and true to that, and disconnecting from anything that comes from that just kind of putting it out and letting it be without any expectation of what will come back.

Melyssa
Hmm. I love that thing from the outcome. And that’s actually so often if our businesses, the reason why we’re so off putting something out there is because our business and ourselves like us as a human are so intertwined that when somebody critique something that we put out there, we take it as a hit to our own self esteem, because we’re not seeing the business as its own entity. We’re seeing it as us. And so when you disconnect from the outcome, when you can put something out there and somebody can have their opinion about it, we can just take it as feedback on the thing we put out versus us as a human being. I find that that’s one of the biggest things For people, when they’re, they’re sharing ideas, they’re putting things out there, especially online, where it can feel like any feedback or negative opinion is really just about us as a human being. And that’s why it can be so freakin scary. Of course, you wouldn’t want to put yourself out there if you feel like people are gonna criticize you, Lauren. But if you know that they’re just have an opinion about this like, project or Instagram post, then it just becomes about the words you wrote or the project idea and not about you as a person. Do you see the difference between those two?

Lauren
Yeah, that makes complete sense. Being able to separate my ties to what I’m doing as being a personal reflection. Like you said, a reflection on what I’m creating, not on myself. That’s a very good point.

Melyssa
Right? Right. And it’s easier said than done in the beginning, right. But when you start to practice that and Use it as the intention of your spiritual practices and just focus on letting go of other people’s opinions. Not that I even think you’re going to get a lot of negative criticism or anything, saying that you did, for example, just using those practices as a way to release those things, too, so that you’re not putting them in your own armor. You’re, you’re letting them go, and they’re not part of you as a person.

Lauren
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. It all comes back to that that spiritual component that was lacking. I think it all kind of ties in with that.

Melyssa
Right. Right. And which Why do you think that is like, why do you think the spiritual practices have become so vital to you?

Lauren
I think it was something that was missing for most of my life. And then, and then I found it, it just came to me in Morocco. And from that moment on, that’s when I started exploring that and that’s when my life really changed. And everything is rooted for me in that in that part of my life, and I think when I now that, you know, talking about it and discussing it and laying it out, I see that when I neglect to that part of me, I don’t feel fulfilled. I don’t feel as creative. I don’t feel like the truest form of myself.

Melyssa
Right. So it’s a practice that allows you to build creativity, confidence and self connection. Yeah, absolutely. You could bottle that up and sell it, you would be billionaire. Creativity, confidence and self connection that is powerful.

Lauren
Yeah, like that.

Melyssa
Yeah. So keep it up. It’s really powerful. And it’s easy to, for those to be the first things to go when things are going well. But one of my friends, Chris, he says something like because he has his own practices that he does, and he says he’ll get to a point where his life is so great because he’s doing All these practices, and then he’s like, well, I don’t need to do them anymore. It’s so great. And then his life like goes back to the way it was before. And then it’s just kind of this cycle of feeling like, Oh, well, I’m doing the practices and they’re working. So

Lauren
I’ll just stop doing them. Yeah, I would say that’s 100% true. I feel like I was doing it for so long. And then I kind of got to this point of what I had envisioned for myself, and then I just stopped. And that’s why my growth stopped. Things stopped changing after that. So that’s definitely a good point.

Melyssa
Right? Like keeping up with them even when things are going well, and especially when things are going well? Yeah. So what does that gonna look like for you moving forward? How are you going to take space for these practices?

Lauren
I think definitely scheduling them and making it kind of a non negotiable. I can’t be the fullest version of myself and I can’t offer what I need to offer. If I don’t do that self Care and do that spiritual component to my day so I think carving out and like I said non negotiable doing it. And even trying you know like we said maybe not in the morning like I thought I had to but trying other times of the day and seeing how it works.

Melyssa
I love that. Let me see when can you get started

Lauren
out tonight? Why not?

Melyssa
I love that.

Lauren
Me too.

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